Client: Here’s a list of eight changes I want done to my website by the middle of the week. These mods seem relatively simple so thought you may be able to incorporate into the work just completed and for which I’ve paid up now. Therefore, I will not be requiring a new invoice.
I can’t really afford that. What if I just gave you $50 and mowed your lawn?
Ok, the horse lost. Can I pay you in cocaine?
Client: "[referring to a company blog] It just doesn’t look enough like a magazine.“
Us: "Well, we intended for it to look like a blog.”
Client: “Isn’t a blog just an online magazine?”
Me: “We can’t print this; this image is really low resolution, even for a 72 dpi thing off the web. It’s literally 300 pixels and we are printing it on a 6x9 inch postcard.”
Boss: “It’s fine, just go with it.”
Me: “But we are a commercial printer—if our own ads look like crap, why should anyone hire us?”
Boss: “We just have opposing philosophies.”
Client: “Just make it look like the site I showed you. In fact, why don’t you go into their site and take the images?”
Me: “Because that is illegal.”
“My buddy looked at what you’ve done and told me he would’ve done it for $50 bucks”.
Client: “Here are some websites that I like. So I want my site to look something like this.”
Me: “[after looking at the website] Okay, I get the idea. Now, do you want Flash on your website? We can certainly do that, but it will cost more.”
Client: “Oh, really? Can’t you just download the stuff from this website and change it and put my logo in there?”
When you hoover over the images …
Client: I need you to design a small website for me. How much do you charge?
Me: I bill at $XX per hour.
Client: OK, great. Please don’t spend more than 2 hours on it, less is better.