It's 8 PM and my client asks me to make some changes in a brochure:
Client: Come to my office with your laptop tomorrow and work from here.
Me: I can't. I am alone with my daughter.
I had a 7-month-old baby and am balancing freelance work with parenting.
Client: Take your daughter with you. I don't mind.
It's an office where people smoke indoors. No, I'm not kidding.
Client: Things are not working, the amount of hours we agreed is not being respected and your developers are late in the deliveries. When can we talk to sort things out?
I went to the dev team to talk and this exchange followed:
Me: So, what is happening? Are problems arising during the sprint? The client is frustrated with the delays, and I need to know if you need some support or renegotiate something.
Dev: We have no problem at all with them, we are only lacking time to do what they need.
Me: How are you and your colleague dividing the time?
Dev: Well, my colleague spends the day programming, while I'm, at 9AM, have a call with the client that usually goes for two hours, then again at 2PM I have another call with'em and this one usually goes for four hours, then I code until 7PM.
Me: That explains a lot.
Turns out the client knew this time was billed as dev time, but they expected the developers to be coding while on the phone with them!
I work as an inbound call agent for a fairly large rental platform, and 90% of the calls I get are older landlords who don't know how technology works.
Client: I need to speak to a manager right away!
Me: I'm sorry sir, what seems to be the problem?
Client: I need you to turn off javascript on my account on your platform!
I spent half an hour with him on the phone, and to this day I legitimately do not know what he meant.
I work in SEO (Search Engine Optimisation). The client decided to question 30% uplift in organic traffic (Year On Year) in an attempt to avoid payment.
Client: This traffic increase happened naturally as the economy grew by 3%. It has nothing to do with your work.
Me: I don’t think that overall economic growth can be directly impacting your rankings. You’re getting more visitors because we improved your rankings.
Client: It does, do you know there are 100,000 babies born every month?
Me: I don’t think they Google.
Client: This is still not what I wanted, I won't pay for this.
Me: OK.
Client: Can you send me the raw files anyway?
Me: Please watch the entire video very carefully, as multiple revisions slow down the process considerably. Export times can run very long, so please ensure everything is correct.
Client: Looks great! Approved!
Me: Great, we will get everything rolling.
12 hours later...
Client: Hey, I just noticed...
*Head goes through desk*
I am a prepress technician for a full-service commercial press (but not a trade/online printer), as well as being a graphic designer. This following exchange happens again and again in various forms...
Client: I can't print your proof. Can you please send me a print-ready proof?
Me: Our soft proofs are screen resolution for review/display only. We do not release press-ready printable files for proofing.
Client: But I need to be able to print it and make changes. Your file is locked. Can I have the password?
Me: We do not release press-ready printable files for proofing, and we do not share security information such as passwords used for document protection. I am happy to make any changes you need and proof it back to you. We do offer and recommend hard-copy proofing prior to print. The first hard-copy proof is free of charge. Would you like me to make your changes and email you an updated proof? Would you like a hard-copy proof for final approval before we print your brochure?
Client: Why can't you just give me the password? I am just trying to run my business. I need to be able to print this proof. I need to be able to make changes to your PDF before I print it. You are keeping me from running my business.
Me: I'm sorry, we don't release security information of any kind, and we don't provide press-ready printable files for proofing purposes. Please let me know what changes need to be made and I can get it done for you very quickly.
Client: I don't need changes now. I need to be able to change it in the future, and I need to be able to print it NOW. Every other printer that has designed something for me has given me a printable file. I plan to bring you tons of business and you are hurting my business by not providing me with the password.
So I send a printable file with a watermark...
Client: This is not acceptable. I cannot print this. It has a mark on it. Can you delete the mark and send me a high quality file? I need it right now. No other printer does this to me.
Yes. I'm so sure that every other printer you work with provides you with a printable press-quality/press-ready file as a "Proof." Uh-huh.
At this point, this particular client chose to be verbally abusive and I had my boss take over the call. The client complained about me, told my boss that I was being uncooperative and hurting their business, etc. My boss pretty much repeated everything I had already said and reaffirmed our willingness to update and re-proof as needed. Th
Client: Fine! I'm going to get my designers to figure out how to unlock the file and fix the file for print. I'm NEVER going to work with you again.
But, wait... wasn't I your designer? And didn't you agree to a work estimate that included printing services with us? Hmmm. Good luck with that. I know you can get around the security with 3rd party software; but, I still sent you files that were exported at just 96dpi and don't include the bleed!
I sent a proof with measurements shown on two square-shaped previews.
Client: Are these portrait or landscape?
Me: They're squares.
I work in tech support, mostly for medical clinics. Lots of great stories there - but this is an example of a fairly common problem.
Today I was trying to help someone install a language pack so she can edit documents in Spanish with spellcheck. It kept failing to install with a pretty generic error, so I started checking some common problems for PC performance - like the amount of time the PC had been on.
97 days.
Me: Well I think we found the problem. This computer hasn't been rebooted in over three months. There are probably a lot of pending updates, which can prevent programs from installing correctly.
Client: We never reboot our computers. No one told us we had to reboot our computers.
When we rebooted the computer it took 4 hours to install all of the pending updates.
Client: I am looking for someone to photograph my family reunion. I need 6 hours. Can you handle this?
Me: I'd be happy to! What date is your family reunion?
Client: My budget is [X]. How can I make a deposit?
Me: You'll be happy to know then that at my rates I only charge [Y] for event coverage. I can accept cash, cheque, or e-transfer. Do you have an email address I can send the contract to, or would it be easier to meet in person at a cafe?
Client: I will have you know that due to health reasons I need to do this through credit card in person. Can you do this?
Me: Unfortunately I cannot take credit card payments at this time, but I can accept cash, cheque, or e-transfer. Do you have an email address I can send the contract to?
Client: Good, I'll set you up with a merchant service then.
Red flags start flying up all over the place.
Client: This can easily be set up with your bank. I will give you my credit card and even pay the setup fees with your bank due to my health issues.
Oh yeah, this sounds scammy...
Me: Unfortunately I am unable to setup anything to take credit card payment, but if we can arrange an alternative I'd be happy to do the work.
I never heard back from the client again. The date of the event came and went and nothing else came of it. Between his insistence on setting up something with my bank and him dodging my requests for an email address to send the contract to, I like to think I dodged a bullet.