I work as a marketing manager for a finance company. We were discussing a tactical marketing campaign for a specific product with an external provider.
Client: I want you to promote it, but be discreet about it.
Me: How so?
Client: Like... you need to promote so that people to buy it, but no one is really supposed to know about it so you also need to make sure it's undercover.
Me: ...
"Can you photoshop out the rain?"
— A request following a photoshoot that was just completed in the rain.
Client: Yeah, the yellow is just not strong enough. Can you do anything about that?
Me: Well, it's 100% yellow, so we can't really do any more.
Client: Can you print it at 150%?
Me: ?!?!?!?
A friend of mine is an aspiring director and has a habit of asking me to take part in films that never end up happening. Once he saw the SFX Makeup I'd been doing on other clients he asked me to do some on his newest film idea. I thought maybe some cuts, bruises, standard film makeup, that sort of thing.
Client: Could you recreate this?
He sends me a photo of Pinhead from Hellraiser.
Client: So, like this but more grungey. Like with odd screws and nails instead of neat pins.
Me: I mean, that's one of the most recognizable monster designs in the world, but... I can give it a go. What's your budget?
Client: Oh, I can't pay you. But it'd be a great portfolio piece!
Right, so you want me to not only rip off someone else's makeup design but do a full head prosthetic makeup (which would probably cost around £300 in materials alone) completely out my own pocket?
I declined.
Luckily, the film never happened.
I own a photo lab and studio where we do a lot of restoration work of old and damaged photos. A client came in with a wedding photo of his parents shot sometime in the late 50s. It was in pretty bad shape and would take me a few hours to restore.
Me: To restore this with a new print will cost [X].
Client: Wow, that's expensive. I don't know if it's worth it.
Me: Well, it's up to you if the photo is important enough to have it restored.
Client: How about you restore it and I'll decide what I'm willing to pay for it.
Me: Uhm, no. This is my price to restore it based on the amount of time I'll spend on it. Also, I need payment in advance.
Normally I would wait until the job was done to collect payment, but at this point the red flags were too big to ignore.
Client: I'm not going to pay until I see if it's worth the money, I know it's all automatic on the computer so I shouldn't have to pay much. I can just download an app or something that will do it, but I thought I would support a local business.
Me: Well, it isn't automatic. I have to do everything by hand in Photoshop. In this case, I'll need to rebuild parts of both faces. That's not an easy fix. If you can find a program that can do what I do as well as I do it, let me know. Not only will I buy it, but I'll pay you for finding it for me.
Client: (blank stare)
Me: Do you want to leave the print for me to restore? I can ring you up now.
He left without leaving the print. I never heard back from him but I assume he didn't find a miracle app.