I had a scheduled meeting with a potential client. I logged in to Zoom, and waited... and waited.
I emailed her to ask how much longer she needs or if she'd like to reschedule. Bear in mind that this call was scheduled about a week ago.
Client: I already found a designer to work on this project.
Me: And you didn't think to update me?
Client: It's been a week. I forgot.
On revision 46:
Client: It's looking great! We just need to sharpen the main points!
I think he's suggested "sharpening the main points" about ten times so far, and I still don't really know what that means.
I had a client send me an photo that they had taken of their company vehicles.
Client: We want the angle to be changed, so the cars are facing the side instead of the front. We want to be able to see the logos on the doors better.
Me: I would have to come to site and do a new photoshoot with the cars in the desired positioning.
Client: You're supposed to be a designer - don't you know how to use Photoshop? Just twist it around and get it done!
A client wanted signage designed for her new store. I sent my quote which included the clause about a non-refundable deposit up-front. Followed this up with a call explaining I would begin as soon as the deposit was paid. Didn't hear anything for about two weeks, then I get a frantic phone call:
Client: Where's the artwork? The printers are ready to go, and the shop is opening in a few days.
Me: You haven't paid the deposit, so I haven't started.
Silence, followed by:
Client: Can you do something quickly? it should only take ten minutes. I mean, how many fonts can there be?
She made a card payment while I was on the phone with her.
It didn't take ten minutes.
I had to take a client to court for non-payment. I'd completed a full interior design - about 4 months of work before we stopped, and they didn't see fit to pay.
Their solicitor, in court, told me that I should expect to "work to risk in my profession." The judge asked her to explain. She made out like I was a street-walker who deliberately chose a "risky lifestyle."
We won, plus legal costs.
January:
Me: Consider sending fewer emails. You often change your mind, and it’s time-consuming to go through ten emails when the last one has the actual choice. Here’s a budget spreadsheet.
February:
Me: Please write down all your ideas and send one email every couple of days instead of every time you have a thought about the project. And don’t follow up the next day, because to save you money I answer them all at once, every couple of days. Here’s a budget spreadsheet.
March:
Me: The cover designer needs more guidance. You keep saying “do something that’s never been done before” but you don’t like any of the concepts and won’t tell us what you do like. Here’s a budget spreadsheet. Note that we’re already well over hours - we’ll need to quadruple your budget for my time.
April:
Me: Because you didn’t use Track Changes (again) like I requested (again) and sent a tutorial on (again), your manuscript will need to be proofread... again. Are you sure this, the sixth version after the "final proofread," is done? Here’s a budget spreadsheet.
May:
Me: No, we still can’t make a screenshot of a snapshot into a high-quality cover pic. Thanks for approving this hideous concept I mocked up in PowerPoint to get you to approve something, anything, without incurring another round of cover design charges. Here’s a budget spreadsheet.
Today:
Client: WHY ARE WE SO OVER BUDGET AND WILL IT COST MONEY FOR YOU TO ANSWER THIS EMAIL?!?!??
Client: I want light red.
Me: Okay! How does this look?
Client: No, that's pink! I want light red.
I responded to a job posting for writing and designing a promotional book for a non-profit organization. I pulled into the parking lot of a VERY expensive office complex with REALLY nice cars - the kind that made me embarrassed of mine.
The office was very professional. I spoke with the husband and wife team who ran the organizations, who described what set them apart. They wanted me to write an infomercial book, describing their process to make them look like superstars of non-profit leadership.
Client: We do charity auctions, you see, and a portion of that goes towards running our organization and paying everyone's salaries.
They told me all of these stories about how they raised soooo much money from these charities, and how much money they pocketed in the process. They were BRAGGING about the money.
In asking questions, I give them samples of my work, the scope of the project. (At least 150 pages, with a lot of graphics and photographs included, which means more editing time). The proejct would take at least several weeks of interviews, writing, and editing to make this book printer ready, so I give them an estimate of $1500 (which is about half of what I would charge a for-profit business).
They were SHOCKED!
Client: You mean that you would CHARGE US? We're a charity!
A friend of mine texted me (she's an actor) saying to call her, because she has a "job" for me. Turns out she's an ensemble member in a theater, and the theater needs a new corporate design, which is my specialty.
Yeah, it would be paid, there's money available, just, just, just - the way they wanted to handle it is they were going to ask a bunch of freelancers and agencies ("just a few") to submit "a few" (of course unpaid) ideas and drafts and then will decide with whom to work.
I had to explain to her what "no spec" means, and what the idea behind a designer's portfolio is. She insisted:
Client: That's the way it's done in business.
She based this on the fact that she once worked in an agency for 3 months, 20 years ago. I had to explain to her that yes, pitching is a thing but that 1) it's something agencies (not freelancers) do for 2) bigger budget projects than this and that they 3) get paid for the pitch.
She kinda gave in a little, but already just another piece of evidence why you should avoid working for clients that are from your friend circles.
A client didn’t show up for a consultation and I could not get a hold of them. Thinking little of it, I rescheduled for a later time.
The next time I talked to them, I swear to god, this is the conversation that ensued.
Client: Why didn’t you call 911?
Me: What? Why?
Client: If you had a disabled parent and you couldn’t get a hold of them, what would you do?
Me: I would wait for them to get back to me.
Interestingly, I actually have a disabled parent who can’t easily answer the phone - the client didn't know that.
Client: You should have called 911!
Me: I’m so sorry, did something happen?
Client: No, but you said you couldn’t get a hold of me. Something could have happened. You should have called the emergency line to do a check on me!
Me: I’ve never called 911 because I couldn’t reach someone. I’d only call if I suspected an emergency.
Client: If you can’t reach me, assume it is an emergency.
Me: Are you always available when there isn’t an emergency?
Client: No.
How's this for a compromise: whenever I can't get a hold of you, I'll call 411 and ask why I work with these people.