I’m a legal secretary at a small firm that handles personal injury cases. I mainly deal with possible client intakes and potential consultations for the attorneys. Most of the phones calls I get are usually about slip and falls and car accidents, but sometimes I get shady assholes just looking to make money. This was one of those phone calls.
Client: Yeah I would like to talk to an attorney about a car accident.
Me: Sure, I’ll just need some details about the accident and some info about your insurance.
Client: So an SUV in front of my house just got into a head-on collision with this guy on a motorcycle and I’m pretty sure the guy is dead. The police and ambulances are everywhere.
Me: Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry to hear that! May I ask what was your involvement with the accident?
Client: Yeah it happened in front of my house and I don’t know them.
Me: OK… Why are you contacting us then?
Client: Oh, yeah well I have cameras on my house and I was wondering – if the case goes to court and they use my camera footage, I get a percentage of their settlement money right?
Me: (after a brief pause from disbelief) Uh, no, if they want the footage they will most likely just subpoena you for it.
He hung up after I told him that. I still get calls from some crappy people, but his call is still one of the worst.