I just received an email from a client and they used an emoji in it…
The emoji was sent as an attachment.
I was dealing with this fitness Instructor who tried everything to avoid paying me for my photography or video editing services. He did however insist that I should pay him for training lessons.
Client: (when he first saw my price list) Oh so this is how much you will pay me to pose while you photograph me?
Me: No, this is how much I charge.
He kept trying to ask me questions about how he could do it himself, using the consultation as a free class and trying to haggle my price down. In all this, he tried to convince me that I should pay him to take his training lessons.
Me: Look you cannot expect from me to pay you for your services and at the same time expect that you can get my services for free + free lessons…
Client: I don’t understand what you mean. I am a fitness instructor I actually help people. All you do is take photos and add text to videos.
I was working on a small project as a contractor with an agency. The project involved coming up with marketing ideas for a local tattoo shop.
One of my clients was an account manager who was particularly obnoxious as she frequently talked about herself in a condescending way, injected her personal opinions into conversations, and seemed pretty unaware of herself in general.
Client: How about removable tattoos that the business could give away to promote the tattoo shop?
Me: Umm, I don't know if that would really make sense or if the business would like that idea.
Another client/account manager agreed with me and said so.
Client: Sure, kids would especially love them. You have to think about the marketing as it relates to the business, you know?
The other account ,manager and I had to listen to her justify how great her removable tattoo giveaway idea was for 5 minutes, while we tried REALLY hard not to roll our eyes or just walk away from the conversation.
Because nothing says get a permanent & awesome tattoo, like a cheap removable tattoo sticker promoting the business.
I work for a company that installs industrial equipment with a proprietary software interface to the control system, which is on a PC in a control room nearby. I received a phone call from an operator at a new facility in Alabama.
You'll find clients who don't know what they're doing anywhere, but the ones in the South have a flavor that's... special.
Client: The equipment ain't runnin'!
Me: OK, let me remote in and check things out
Me: Everything looks OK on my end.
Client: Eet not runnin'!
Me: A... Are you sure? It looks like I'm getting good data.
Client: Eet not runnin'!
Me: ..... Do me a favor and open the door.
I can hear the equipment running over the phone now.
Client: What'd'you do!?
Me: I didn't do anything, it was already running
Client: What'd'you do!? How'd'you do that!?
Me: It was already running
Client: No it wa'nt! What'd'you do?
Me: I fixed it.
I was doing the layout for a book that was over 100 pages. When talking to the client/writer I told him that I copy and paste the content and make it look pretty, I am not an editor/content reviewer.
Client: Here is the final copy for the book.
Me: Perfect. This has been edited and reviewed and is the final version?
Client: Yes, I've read it over many times and I've had multiple people read it over as well.
Me: Great, I will start laying it out and send you a proof soon.
I spent weeks laying it out and then sent the proof.
Client: There are a lot of spelling mistakes in this.
Me: I don't review/edit the content. I told you that from the beginning, I'm not an editor, I have no experience in editing or writing.
Client: Well you should pay more attention!
The client sent massive list of spelling changes. I reluctantly made all the changes.
Me: OK, all of those changes have been made, here is the latest proof.
Client: Looks great to me, send it to print!
Me: Have you reviewed it again to make sure there are no other spelling mistakes? We are about to print 3000 copies of this book.
Client: Of course I have! You do your job and I'll do mine!
I sent the file to the printers, and the book is published.
Client: HOW COME I JUST FOUND ANOTHER SPELLING MISTAKE?
Me: *bashes head against wall*
I work as a full-time freelancer for the past 8 years and I occasionally receive job proposals from random clients from a forum I'm a member of.
Client: Are you looking for work? I have a part-time job that takes 10 to 15 hours per week,managing a website. A lot of it is working on auto-pilot but some things require a human. What are your hourly rates?
Me: Yeah, I could take that on. What's your budget?
I didn't know if my minimum $25/h would scare him or be too low.
Client: Yeah, it's pretty simple and fun. About the hourly: we had this dude, paid him $15/h, good worker. We now have this other dude, doesn't do much, misses deadline, doesn't communicate and we pay him $5/h. So if you could do what the first dude did and we pay you like the second one, that'd be great.
I design websites. One of my clients called me on a Saturday evening:
Client: I’m in LA and my computer doesn’t work.
Me: I’m not a computer technician, I design websites.
Client: But you work with computers. Isn’t that the same thing?
Me: What is going on?
Client: It just doesn’t work.
Me: But I don’t understand, what happens?
Client: You’re the computer guy, you’d know better than me.
Me: …I can contact you with a computer technician I know who might be able to help you.
Client: But he will charge me.
I got him in contact with a computer technician, he did some immediate remote session and seemed to solve the problem. He charged my customer $80 dollars for the quick solution.
In my next payment I found an $80 dollar deduction.
I had been working for several months on a design for a trailer wrap. The client had been dragging his feet, taking forever to respond to emails or completely ignoring them. After months, the project was supposed to be installed the following week but he still hadn’t sent me the dimensions I needed.
Me: I need the dimensions so I can finalize the design. Here is my basic design concept based off our conversations. Please get back to me ASAP so I can make changes since this will need to go to print tomorrow so I can [drive 3 hours each way to] install on the planned date.
Client: That’s not at all what I had in mind. I’m just going to go to my local sign shop.
Me: (thinking of all the hours I’ve logged that are now worthless because they didn’t give me any feedback) …
Today’s lesson: doesn’t matter who it is, no one gets work without a deposit, quit making exceptions. Emails back at about 4:30, still fuming trying to decide how to respond.
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I’m a freelance artist and regularly attend craft shows in order to get my work out there. One older man came to my table.
Client: I'm interested in hiring you. Would you come to dinner with me to discuss payment? You seem like a woman who likes food.
Me: I don't think I'm interested, sorry.
Client: Oh, you don't have to worry about me. I had a vasectomy.
Not why I was worried, dude.