Client: Can you look through this file and see if they added any custom code?
My client, referring to a multi-thousand line bootstrap CSS file.
I’m an email manager. Basically, I load emails into our email software for clients. We accept emails in HTML format only.
I ask a client for email files in HTML format, and they send over a jpg SCREENSHOT of the email they want to be sent out.
Client: Here’s the HTML for the email!
Me: Hi, sorry - but that isn’t an HTML file. It’s a picture of the email in jpg format. Would it be possible to get it in HTML format to make sure all your formatting is right?
Client: This is HTML! Just copy and paste it in.
Me: Unfortunately, I can’t load this file into our email system. I can’t even paste in the content since it’s an image. To get the content of the email, I’d have to type up the entire email myself.
Client: Okay, thanks! Can you have this done ASAP and have the email look 100% like the HTML file I sent? We need it to go out today.
Let me die.
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I emailed a client requesting they approve a Facebook Ad. After a week I emailed them again.
Me: Hey I emailed you a week ago requesting you approve a Facebook Ad. You might not have gotten it.
Side note: I know they opened it, I have a mail tracker.
Me: Here’s the link for you to approve. Please let me know. Also, please confirm you’ve received this email.
Client: YOUR EMAILS ARE COMING THROUGH MY SPAM!
Me: I’m sorry about that.
Again: they saw and opened my emails.
Me: Please green list us and that should fix the issue. Did you see the Ad? What did you think?
Client: (no response, ever)
My mail tracker confirms they opened my last email soon after I sent it.
First day on-site with a new client. At reception the team leader arrived to take me to my desk. She greeted me with a scowl and en route to the desk she stopped because she really needed to tell me something.
Client: We are very religious in this team and we have rules: There’s no cursing or taking the lord’s name in vain.
In other words: welcome aboard, sinner!
Client: I’m sorry, but the search feature on [our Intranet site] is terrible!! I can’t find anything!
Me: I’m sorry to hear that, can you give me an example of what you’re trying to find?
Client: Well, I’m trying to find the address for my dentist, but when I put his name in nothing comes up!
Me: Erm, the INTRANET site search is for finding documents that we use internally. I think you are confusing it with a search engine, like Google.
Client: Well, that’s just stupid! What good is a search feature if it doesn’t give me what I’m looking for?
In retrospect, it was a lesson learned. I renamed our search box to say “Search the Intranet” instead.
Client: Let’s put all of the sponsors on the home page instead of on a "sponsors" page, so they know they’re important when they see our website.
He wanted those logos to be large, hyperlinked images. At the top of the home page.
He didn’t want any anchor links, either, so the only way to access the other content was by scrolling down manually.
I want to kill myself.