I'm an MRI technician. A client came in for a scan, and we instructed her to take off her metal bracelet before her scan.
Client: This isn't metal - it's silver.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who's been through this by now, but I had a client let me go because I elected to wear a mask to a meeting they insisted on having.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Client: Someone in Australia is using my name.
Me: It's their name too.
Client: But they're a coal miner! It's making me look bad.
Me: Uh...
Client: Can you make them change? Or at least remove them from Google?
Client: While I've got you here, would you mind formatting this pamphlet for me?
Me: I'm a WEB designer, not a print designer.
Client: Is there really a difference?
Client: Hey! Have you made any progress on the site?
Me: What?
Client: The site! How's it going?
Me: I reached out to for more details and you never responded, nor paid my deposit. This is the first I've heard from you in six months.
Client: So you haven't started?
Client: What's that font that's really popular?
Me: Times New Roman is used all over the place, although less so in web design.
Client: No, I know that one, but there's one that people talk about all the time.
Me: Helvetica?
Client: No, no... it starts with a "k" sound...
Me: (dawning horror) ...Calibri?
Client: C... C... Comic Sans! What would that look like?
Client: I didn't realize you were going to do that.
Me: I said I would in the proposal document.
Client: No you didn't.
I looked it up - I had, on page three. I showed the client.
Client: I didn't read that far. If you want someone to see something, make sure it's on the first page.
Me: Then why did you ask for a five-page proposal?
Client: To make you plan.
Client: I talked to my son and he says you're charging way too much for this. He charge less than half what you're asking for.
Me: Why don't you hire your son, then?
Client: Oh, he's awful.
Client: What the hell! You overcharged me!
Me: I sent an invoice for what we agreed on.
Client: Bulls***. I'm looking at a bill for over four thousand dollars and we agreed on $500.
Me: Yeah, I sent an invoice for $500.
Client: Well then what the hell am I looking at?
Turns out it was his credit card bill.