Client: I like it, but I want something different.
Me: Different how?
Client: Not the same as this. Do I really have to spell this out?
Client: So how do I watch you make the website? Do I Skype in, or...?
Client: How did you vote?
Me: Uh...
Client: Never mind, I think I know.
Me: Well...
Client: Once you finish this phase of the project, I think I might go a different direction.
This week’s deal is on over 2400 vintage illustrations from classic textbooks, prints and other sources that have been scanned, cleaned and formatted as fully customizable vector images!
> They’re super cool, easy to use, and make for a great design.
Look. You’re a wiz with Photoshop and Illustrator, and a pretty solid draftsperson to boot. People love the way you draw, and your designs are clean, professional, and attractive. What you are not, probably, is a classically trained illustrator who specializes in scientific diagrams of flora and fauna in pen and ink or lithograph. This is a very specific skill that is always in demand. This bundle gives you scores of fantastic vintage illustrations that are easy to slot into designs to make them better.
Normally it would cost you $228 for all 2400+ illustrations (and honestly? Bargain), but for the next few days, you can save 93% and get every last one of them for just $17. Sell one t-shirt with one deer skull illustration (for example) and you've already made your money back.
Client: I'm not happy with this website. The writing is terrible.
Me: I didn't write it. This is all content you gave me.
Client: You didn't fix it?
Me: I fixed the spelling errors but I'm not a writer or an editor and it wasn't part of our contract.
Client: Well then why did I hire you?
Me: To design and put together your website.
Client: Isn't the writing part of the website ?
Me: No.
Client: I feel like you're trying to win on a technicality.
Takes one to know one.
A few days ago I did photoshoot for a pole dancing school. The shoot was for three coaches, and I was supposed to shoot them as they danced, demonstrated moves, etc.
The schedule of the day was always to begin taking natural shots, and when that was done I would swap out the lights for some moody portraits.
Half an hour into the shoot and the first coach said that she had to go. I'd already taken a number of photos, so I let her know I would send her what I had but that she wouldn't get anything from the second set. She left.
Two hours later, I finished the rest of the natural shoot and changed the setup for the moodier shoot. That went well, and after a couple of days where I edited everything I sent them off. The first coach, the one who left early, responded:
Client: Hey, can you make photos of me look like moody/mystical photos you took of the owner?
Me: I can try, but that was a very different lighting setup.
After some dodging, burning, and other Photoshop magic, I came with something that looks like she wanted. Her response:
Client: I want it to look more natural.
1) Moody/mystical and "natural" are pretty different vibes 2) you left partway through the shoot. I don't know what you want me to do for you.
Had a client that was incredibly cost sensitive from the get go.
They recently sent me a brief for a complicated writing project. I began, and it became clear that the scope of the project was larger than I realized.
Me: This is a much bigger job than I expected. I'm going to have to incrementally increase my quote.
Client: Fine, I guess.
Eventually I finished the project. She sent me a number of small revisions - she was very exacting - and I made everything even though I was already over my budgeted time.
After sending in my invoice, I got this back from the client:
Client: It took me two hours to look at what you sent. Normally it would take 10-15 minutes. Perhaps we can compromise and I'll pay you half of what we agreed?
It took you longer because it was a big project - that doesn't mean you get to pay me less.
Client: I have at great idea for a website. It will be like Facebook, but for professionals.
Me: So... LinkedIn?
Client: What's that?
It was then that I started to wonder if this client was the businessman he said he was.
I had a client who liked to meet at coffee shops. He was a real coffee snob, and every time we met he would suggest some out of the way place that charged $6 for a pour over coffee and took me 50 minutes to get there. I proposed alternate spots a few times, but he would dismiss them with "this place is really good, let's do that.
The last straw was when he proposed we meet at coffee shop that was at the end of a weird street peninsula, where two road forked. It had very limited space, so all the seats were lined up bar-style. I got there on time, but he was there already... sitting in the only open chair in the place.
He made me stand and talk to him in the middle of the coffee shop floor while I presented my ideas for the next print project.
Never again.
A client wanted a new logo to rebrand a business acquisition:
Client: Make it new while traditional, fresh but conservative, there are no limits to what you can suggest but keep it close to the original!
I think I'm just going to update the font.