Client: So, just so you know… our payroll team here is quite slow.
Me: Ok. How does that impact my work for you?
Client: Well, it just means we may not be able to pay you straight away.
Me: That’s ok. Your accounts team should pay my invoice directly, so there’s no need for payroll to get involved.
Client: No! We can’t do that! Accounts are only for physical things, like computers and paper. You’re a human and you’re providing us with a resource, which means it has to go through HR and payroll. Don’t worry, you will get paid – they’re just slow. It may take two or three months before the first paycheck comes around.
Me: I’m not an employee here, I’m a contractor. My invoice terms are clear and if you’re not able to abide by them, then we don’t have a deal.
After some back-and-forth, I decided not to proceed with our arrangement.
Client: If you walk away from our agreement, that’s illegal. I can call the police on two counts – firstly, for breaking a legally binding contract, secondly, for asking us to pay you off the books.
I walked away from the deal. Never heard from the police, either.