Client: I know you’ve asked me not to bother you with my internet problems, but there’s a problem with accessing the site I can’t figure out. I can’t access the internet at all, and I even tried changing my IP.
Me: How did you change the IP?
Client: I crossed out the existing one on the back of the router and wrote a new one in.
"I think I’m going to be good at this computer stuff. I play the piano, so, y’know, that probably carries over."
Client: The website doesn’t display properly on Internet Explorer.
Me: How so? Can you send me a screenshot so I can see what you mean?
Client: No, I don’t know how. But hey, look, I can copy the site URL within Internet Explorer for you. Paste it in your browser (right-click>paste), and you’ll see what I mean.
Me: I… that won’t work.
Client: I’m sure it will. I’m doing it right now, and it recreates the problem in MY browser.
A client faxed over a document, but she wasn’t satisfied with the quality. So, naturally, she changed the ink cartridge on her end and asked if the quality improved on our end.
Me: I am emailing you the link to the development site so you can see what your new website is going to look like.
Client: I don’t like clicking on links. Just send it to me as a PDF.
"Will the forum on the website be web-based?"
"Ever since you built this new website, I can’t open my Yahoo email account."
"How come the website doesn’t look as nice as the design proofs your agency sent us?"
Attached to the email is a screenshot of the website in Windows 98 - IE6 - 800x600
Client: My business email isn’t working in Outlook.
Me: Okay, is it working through the browser?
Client: I don’t know. Our office lost internet access.
Me: Um… an internet connection is required for email.
Client: Oh, so we can’t troubleshoot the email? But Outlook doesn’t use Internet Explorer.
Client: I need a search engine like google.com. Can you handle something like that?
Me: Yes, but it’s going to be expensive. May I ask what kind of budget you have in mind?
Client: Budget is not a problem. I have ample resources.
Me: Can you give me a ballpark figure?
He names a figure. It is not very ample.
Me: I’m afraid that’s not going to be anywhere near enough for a project of this scope.
Client: This is a good budget for a two-page website. Google is simply a search box with a second page of results. And those results are from other sites! Heck, it could be done in half this budget, but I was trying to be generous.