Me: I sent an email with some proposed pictures for your website. Which of the images do you like?
Client: I like the second and third one.
Me: Sometimes the order of the images can’t be relied on when viewing emails. Can you tell me the filenames of the images that you liked?
Client: Yes. Both are called 115KB.
I was put in contact with a guy with a big job for me; I pitched and got the work.
It was a site redesign: I had to set-up the CMS on my own servers for testing then migrate it all over to the production server.
I’ll admit my boundaries weren’t great during the testing phase; he would come to me with different suggestions for doing functionality which I helped out with (it was a big job, but it was early in my career, and I hoped it would give me a lot of exposure).
When it came time to migrate, we had immediate issues. The site worked fine on my servers, but collapsed horribly on theirs.
After a week of trying to get the system to work, culminating in an extremely rude email from my contact, a friend and I got into the code of the site to look at what was going on. An hour later, we had our answer.
They had over 20,000 tags.
Once the tags were deleted, suddenly the site came back up again.
All told, I ended up getting around $5 an hour for the job.
"Right, so how do I email the internet to the printer?"
I emailed my client an interactive PDF.
Client: I love the flyer you sent! It’s clicky!
Me: Great! So we’re done now?
Client: No. When I print out the flyer, the links aren’t clicky. Can you make them clicky?
Me: I don’t understand.
Client: I want to be able to go to our website … when … um, when I …
Me: You do know that a piece of paper can’t be interactive, right?
Client: You told me the site was updated, but you lied, it’s not. FIX IT ASAP!
Me: It is updated. See the attached screenshot - that is my current view.
Client: You did that in Photoshop or something. It’s not updated.
Me: Have you hit refresh? Or tried emptying your disk cache?
Client: I don’t know how to do that.
Me: Just Google “empty disk cache” for the name of your system and browser you are using.
Client: If I knew how to use Google, then what the hell would I need a web designer for!?
Client: (Director of Information Technology for a large organization) I need a conference call with you. I thought WordPress was supposed to be easy to use, but I can’t make this damn link work!
Me: I just clicked on the link and it seems to work fine. What exactly is the trouble?
Client: The link works fine, but the site it’s linking to is broken!
It took a lengthy follow-up explanation to clue this person in to the fact that we have no control over the site they’re linking to.
"What do you mean my URL can’t have spaces?!"
Client: I’ve taken all my ideas and put them on disc for you.
Me: Okay, but you could’ve emailed me those.
Client: Oh, I don’t trust all this newsy stuff. It’s too modern for my taste.
Me: Okay, so where is the disc?
Client: You mean discs?
Client proceeds to hand me a small box with about thirty 3.5” floppy disks labeled and numbered.
Me: I don’t have a floppy drive on my computer sir.
Client: Nonsense, all computers come with floppy drives.
I installed an app on a client’s Facebook page. I received a distressed call from them the day before a big launch.
Client: I just tried the app, it isn’t working.
Me: I’m looking at it right now. It’s fine.
Client: No it’s definitely not working, it says something is wrong.
Me: I’ve tested it on both Mac and PC, from admin and non-admin accounts. It’s fine.
Client: It’s broken! I’ll take a picture and show you.
They send photo of computer screen from mobile phone. The photo shows “Internet Explorer cannot display the webpage. Diagnose connection problems…”
A hotel wanted a website. I showed the client the home page design, and at the bottom I had an “email us” link. The client asked what that was for, I explained so customers could send an email request.
Client: Whoa, let’s not rush into this thing. I want to do a site first; we will worry about email later if this works out.