Client: Hey, can you retouch photos? I’ve got my album cover photo but it needs some minor touch-up. Zits and stuff.
Me: Sure, let me take a look.
Client: So just remove that blemish on my nose, and the zit on my forehead.
Me: No problem.
Client: Also, I forgot to shave, so take care of my stubble.
Me: Stubbles not the easiest thing to remove -
Client: Ah, well my sideburns and hairstyle could use some help too.
Me: Well -
Client: And how do you think I’d look with sunglasses and different clothes? You know, this is getting ridiculous – just let me see some options.
Client: I don’t know… I don’t like the blue and white together.
Me: What’s the problem with the colors?
Client: It looks Argentinean
Client: And the new pope its Argentinean and we are not a religious firm. So, please, change all the colors.
"The sign needs to be a vertical oval, not a horizontal oval like the one you made. But keep the same dimensions - 18” high by 36” wide."
A customer wanted us to stay open an extra hour so he could pick up his business cards. I offered to ship them to his office overnight, but he refused.
Client: You know, it’s inconsiderate to be closed at 5pm. Some people just can’t fit that around their schedules… (his speech was inaudible due to some loud, bassy noises)
Me: I’m sorry, you’re not coming in clearly. Where are you?
Client: I’m at the theatre. The movie doesn’t even end until 5:30pm. Case in point!
"My hands look sort of ashy in that picture. Can’t you just put on a lotion filter?"
I’m a web developer/programmer, and I’m working with a web/print designer. During discussions of a website in development…
Me: For reference, to help you figure out what height to specify, the height of the Home page slide show (right hand) column, from top line to bottom line is 631px. On the Portfolio Page it is slightly taller at 689px.
Client: I am not going to deal with pixels.
"I wish you’d call me instead of leaving me voicemails."
A client who doesn’t understand that they need to answer their phone for that to work.
Me: (via email) Here is a link to your site for final approval before it goes live.
Client: It would be better if I just stopped by your office so I can see it. I’m more of a visual person.
"Could you please center the letters of the Captcha, and clean the background? It´s difficult to read at the moment…."
We had sent a logo draft and one of the color codes for RGB was 196-13-66. The following was part of an otherwise pertinent reply…
Client: I like this red color. However, can you give another RGB than “G 13” & “B 66” (as I do not like the numbers 13 and 66)? My favorite numbers are 22, 7, and 84.