I swear to God, prior to this conversation, I assumed that my client (like me!) was a native Italian.
Client: I want this bit of the copy in Italian.
Me: I - okay, but can I ask why?
Client: I like how it looks.
Me: Okay, but this is intended for an English-speaking audience, right? Won’t they -
Client: Listen, it’s simple. Just put these sections in Italian and we’re done.
A strange request, but I do as he asks.
Client: What’s this?
Me: It’s - I put those parts in Italian, like you asked.
Client: Nah, I didn’t want any of this Spanish crap. I wanted it in Italian.
Me: What do you mean by “Italian?”
Client: You know, slanted-like.
Me: You wanted it in Italics?
Client: I don’t know what that is, but slant it up a notch or we’ll have a problem.
Client: The mix sounds good, but I’m not sure about the vocals.
Me: What’s wrong with them?
Client: They’re just not black enough.
Our copywriter wrote some copy in our December newsletter that wished our clients a happy holiday season, including Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanza.
Client: What’s Kwanza?
Me: It’s a celebration in December.
Client: No, I’m pretty sure that’s slang, take it out.
While working on an international music event, the client called to ask if we could make an alteration to one of the headline acts promo materials.
Me: What’s the issue? Have you changed the act?
Client: No, we just don’t think he looks right on the background.
Me: Do you have another image from his PR guys?
Client: No, but it’s a simple fix. We want you to make him less black.
Me: Er, I can’t really do that. He’s a world famous singer and I don’t think he’s going to appreciate us changing the colour of his skin. It might come across as a tad racist too…
Client: But our background is black, and he is black. You need to change his face.
Me: How about I change the background?
Client: That’s totally unacceptable! It will ruin our brand integrity.
— feedback on a PowerPoint being created for presentation in Hong Kong
I’m a web developer working in a small agency composed of our boss, a web designer and myself. My boss was away for the afternoon, so the calls directed to his office ended up at my phone.
Client: Hi, I had a meeting with your sales person about my website project, but I’d rather talk about it with the boss of the company.
None of me or my designer colleague do live meetings, only our boss does it.
Me: I’m sorry but he’s unavailable for the afternoon. Can you please tell me the name of the person you met ?
Client: Uh, don’t remember his name. He was a tall n***er.
Me: I see. That would be our boss.
Client: Oh? Really, he is?
Editor’s Note: The client did not call him a nagger.
This was a back-and-forth email chain I had with a French client after I sent him my quote.
Client: I am interested to work with you, but I refuse any upfront payment for something that is a pure service. Please modify your proposal accordingly.
Me: I’m sorry, but this is how I work, since fixed-price payments are not guaranteed.
Client: ”This is how I work?” The payment isn’t guaranteed, but neither is the quality of work. There is a South African designer with the same rate as yours, who accepts work without any down payment, and his portfolio is bigger than yours, and I’m also considering him a candidate. I put you on top of my list because you are French and because you are a woman. Never mind, I’ll let you work “this way” with others. I went out of my way to put you on top of my list and this is how you treat me? Such a human misery.