Client: I like the design, but it feels pretty “texty”.
Me: Yeah, I could see that. There’s quite a bit of content that you want on here, so it’s going to be hard for it to not look text heavy. How ‘bout I try making the text smaller and add some images to break it up?
Client: No, no, no! Don’t! The text is already too small! Can you make the text bigger?
Me: You want all of the text bigger?
Me: And you want me to make it feel like there is less text?
Client: Yes! You’re getting it!
Client: Can you revise the employee guidebook for me?
Attached was the entire 50-page guidebook file, titled guidebook_with_revisions.
Me: I can’t seem to see the changes or proposed revisions. Can you highlight them?
Client: I thought I did.
Client: Well, I can’t now, and I don’t remember what they were.
Me: (on phone) Can you send me a screenshot of the error message?
Client: Well, I printed up the page.
Me: OK, I’m going to e-mail you instructions on how to make a screenshot so you can e-mail it to me.
Client: Hang on, I’ve got a bunch of papers and stuff on top of my scanner.
Time passes. He tries to send me a corrupted CorelDraw file.
Client: What’s your address? I’ll just drop this into the mail and wait to hear back from you.
Nearing the end of a large project, the client comes back to us with…
Client: There are still 25 bugs that need to be fixed! I have a sheet of them.
Me: Okay, our developers need to know what they are. I’ll need you to either send them to me or post them up on the bug tracking system.
Client: I’ll need a few days to compile them.
Me: I thought you said you had the sheet of 25 items already at hand?
The client sends over our 100+ page Use Case documents (which we’ve reviewed a hundred times before and which we already had at hand).
Client: Review these, I’m sure 25 items are there.
"I don’t want any SEO done on my site until I have more traffic."
My client insisted on being there when I received a piece of paper with their critiques on it. Not because they thought it was necessary to be there for guidance; rather, the client couldn’t read their own writing, so they wanted my help deciphering their critiques.
"Oh… so you can’t just copy and paste it into the site?"
A client who mailed me 20+ handwritten pages of copy for her website.
Client: (noon) Hey, what’s your day like today? I need a 20-minute video produced for our next presentation.
Me: That’s a long video. Do you have all the materials for me?
Client: Yes. We will just need to zoom in and out on parts of pictures and screen shots to be timed with the audio.
Me: And you said it’s going to be 20 minutes long?
Client: Well 20 or 25. Thirty at the most.
Me: When is the due date for this project?
Client: We need it finished by 5:00 this afternoon. I’ll be over there after I finish recording all the audio. We can start working on the video about 3:30.
Client: Can you add comments to the pages on my website?
Me: Sure, that will take me about an hour, billed at $x/hour.
Client: Oh, ok. Then can you just send me a step-by-step guide of how to do it myself?
Me: That would take about at least an hour for me to write.
Client: As long as it’s free.