Clients from Hell

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April 10, 2014

Them: I need it 40x40.

Me: 40x40 what? Centimeters? Pixels? Inches?

Them: Yes.

Me: Okay, I’ll make it a square (but in very high resolution) so you can basically resize it to whatever you want. How’s that?

Them: Why a square?

April 09, 2014

I am setting up a 300dpi grayscale piece for a client. The logo on the printed copy needs to measure three inches. The customer emails me a black 320px PNG.

Me: I’m sorry, do you have a much larger copy of the logo that I can use?

The client sends me another 320px PNG, this time in RGB color.

Me: For best quality print, I need one that measures at least 900px wide.

Client: I just realized that I sent you the last hi-res image in color. Here’s the black hi-res.

The client attached another 320px image. This time it was a JPG.

March 22, 2014

Me: Here is a test invitation. Please DO NOT start forwarding, as there is still a lot of work to be done regarding the RSVP process. 

Client: Invites have been sent.

March 18, 2014

I accepted a little pro bono work for my local church. They wanted a brochure to present all the charity and volunteering activities they are a part of. I asked the head of each group to send me a text document with a short presentation of what they do and one picture, so I could insert each of them  in the layout I created. So far, I have received:

- a 20-word sentence written directly in the e-mail (and no attached picture).

- an obscure document (created with who-knows-what open source program) my PC does not recognise. This one included a jpeg though, so points there.

- a PDF with a pre-existing brochure scanned as an image.

- a sheet of paper with the text typed (via a typewriter). Naturally, there was no picture included.

- a Word document (finally!) that’s four pages long, with pictures pasted into it.

March 10, 2014

Client: I tried as hard as I could, but I can’t access my domain.

Me: You know the URL, correct?

Client: Yes, and I keep typing in what you told me, but it won’t link me to my domain.

Me: Why don’t you tell me exactly what you typed?

Client: Sure, I typed uuuuuudotsampledotkom.

March 08, 2014

Me: Just go on to our website and select the “My Account” button.

Client: I don’t see it.

Me: It’s on the black banner, in the top right corner

Client: I’m looking, I don’t see it!

Me: Are you on our website?

Client: No…

Me: Can you please go to the website?

Client: No, I’m not at my computer

March 03, 2014

MY TAKE ON YOUR MISTAKE

A major client contracted us to organize a conference for 1,500 people. Part of the job involved building a website and a booking platform, but the client was adamant we use a particular third-party ticketing company that had never catered such a large, complex event before. 
Concerned the system wasn’t capable or flexible enough to meet the client’s needs, we sent numerous emails highlighting the system’s shortcomings. Each time, our concerns were dismissed. In frustration, we put together a detailed report highlighting the problems we were likely to face, but we were told in no uncertain terms that we had to use the supplier anyway. 

When only a handful of tickets were sold several months into a major marketing campaign, there was an emergency meeting between the teams involved, up to and including the CEO of the company.
When the subject of ticketing came up, our client company angrily asked us why were they getting so much negative feedback from people trying to buy tickets. We politely pointed out that all the issues buyers were experiencing were mentioned in our report and that we had said that using that supplier wasn’t a good idea. The CEO’s response?

Client:How could you let us make that mistake?

Oh, and the theme for the conference was “Leadership.”

February 22, 2014
"You can’t print double-sided transparencies?"
February 18, 2014
"The things that are crossed off. Does that mean they’re done?"

The client was referring to items under the heading “What’s Been Done.”

February 13, 2014

Client: Hey, sorry I forgot it - can you let me know the password to our site’s CMS, please?

Me: Sure, it’s: HtTXv7YDd…

Client: Whoa, whoa, whoa. No wonder I couldn’t remember it. Can you make it something more obvious, please?

Me: More obvious?

Client: Yeah, like ‘password’. That’s nice and simple. Make it easier to get in there.