Clients from Hell

Submit your story
July 14, 2014
"I’m not sure what to think of this designer. His portfolio seems okay, but I’m like 90% sure he’s gay and I honestly don’t have the patience to deal with that in the long-term."

— A client who accidentally CC’d me in an email to his colleague after inquiring about a project. 

June 27, 2014
"For the ad, use a stock photo of a woman or a person."
June 09, 2014
"Hey, that’s pretty good for a girl!"
April 21, 2014
"Does this rainbow look gay to you?"

feedback from a children’s daycare website

April 08, 2014
"Can you make the Washington Monument look less phallic?"
April 04, 2014
"As payment, I was thinking dinner at my place."
February 12, 2014

I was designing a female mascot.

Client: I want a mascot that appeals to both male AND female viewers!

I make a motherly figure.

Client: …. Obviously, she’s too fat. Can you make her look like a blonde Wonder Woman?

Against my better judgement, I do.

Client: Make her breasts bigger too! And let’s make those daisy dukes, and we’ll have her holding a shotgun!

November 07, 2013
"Nothing personal, but I don’t think you should be involved with the budgeting/financial part of it at all. Because you’re a designer. And a female. But that’s okay! There’s nothing wrong with being a female or a graphic designer."
October 09, 2013

I was editing a promo video for a race car website that featured shots of cars zooming around, drifting, splashing water, etc. 

The largest production piece was a big race to the finish line, so I used a shot of the checkered flag to end the video before dissolving to the logo.

Client:  I don’t know, do you think ending with the checkered flag is too gay?

Me: Um…

Client: I mean, if it’s too gay we shouldn’t use it.

Me: I don’t think it’s too gay.

Client: But it’s the obvious choice, right? Despite being gay?

Me: I…

Client: Not that I have anything against gay people… wait, you’re not gay, are you? I guess you’d know best if you are. 

August 16, 2013
"This company is growing like a gangbang!"