Clients from Hell

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May 24, 2013
"The sign needs to be a vertical oval, not a horizontal oval like the one you made. But keep the same dimensions 18” high by 36” wide."

— (editor’s note: this story is a repeat. It will be deleted by the end of the day. Apologies.)

May 20, 2013
"Make the words fly!"
May 11, 2013

Client: I have a potential gig for you.

Me: Great, what is it?

Client: I have a customer who is using [equipment brand I specialize in] and he needs some new programming. Can you let me know about how much you’d charge?

Me: Sure, get me drawings of their system or a list of the equipment they’re using and let me know what kind of content they are looking for and I’ll get you a quote.

Client: Oh, well we don’t really know what kind of equipment they have or how it’s laid out.

Me: Okay then. Can you tell me what kind of content they are looking for?

Client: Well we can’t determine what content they’ll need until we know what equipment they have. Can you just give me a quote based on how long you think it’ll take?

Me: Not until I have something to determine how long it’ll take. 

May 10, 2013

After the client asked specifically for cool colors…

Client: Can you put some cool reds in there?

Me: Red is usually considered very warm.

Me: Any colour can be cool, with the right attitude.

May 06, 2013
"I need a sexier, hipper grey."
May 02, 2013
"I think it’s perfect, but I don’t know if its musicy enough."

Client reply after receiving a sketch for a poster of his album release show.

May 01, 2013
"No pressure but this will be needed ASAP."
April 26, 2013
"Don’t think of it as a web redesign. Think of it as mock ups and colors/fonts within a pre-defined design frame."
April 21, 2013
"There’s nothing wrong with the design, just tune it up."
April 19, 2013
"That’s good, but highlight it so it’s eye-catching. Just remember, the idea is to highlight it without drawing attention."