Clients from Hell

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April 18, 2014
"Push the design envelope. Use your right brain. Maximise feasibility."
April 15, 2014
"Can you make it more mind-blowing?"

Client: Take the prices off of each item.

Me: How will people know how much each item costs?

Client: I don’t want the prices to be the focus of the product.

Me: Isn’t this an online store where people can purchase your products?

Client: No, it’s a gallery where people can purchase my products.

Me: Without knowing the price?

Client: Yes. Also change the header from ‘gallery’ to ‘shop.’

April 13, 2014
"I want the mood to be…”Stabbing Your Family in the Face.” Make sense? Try not to make it too intense though."
April 11, 2014
"I need this logo redone. It should look like the old one, but it doesn’t have to match in any way. I really don’t know what I want so, you know, just work your magic."

A client who then offered to pay me in haircuts.

April 07, 2014

Me: Would you like this poster designed in landscape or portrait orientation?

Client: Yes!

April 06, 2014
"I realize you can’t read my mind, but do your best."
April 03, 2014
"I’m looking for a logo that is not immediately recognizable as our company."

— Literally the entire creative brief my client provided

March 24, 2014

After sending a brochure layout to a client, the client called me in an absolute tizzy because page three contained “too many widows!”

Me: Okay, let me take a look…

I open the file and can’t find a single “widow” on page three.

Me: You said page three, correct?

Client: Yes! There are too many widows! I can’t stand widows! You need to fix them!

Me: I’m sorry, but…

Client: Too. Many. Widows.

Me: It’s just that I just don’t see any…

Client: At the end of line 3, and line 7, and line 9, and line 22! They’re there!

Me: Oh, you mean the hyphens?

Client: Hyphens, widows, whatever

Client: In the first proof you sent me, the blue is too dark. Now it’s too light.

Me: Do you have a sample of the blue you would like?

Client: The blue needs to be the colour of the sky on a beach in Turkey.