Client: I can’t see Pad If, No InDesign.
At first, I thought English might have not been this client’s native language, so I responded the best I could without being offensive.
Me: I’m sorry, how would you need the files? InDesign isn’t required for anything I send you.
Client: All I’ve gotten is Pad If, I can’t see those without InDesign. Send me the original file, not Pad if.
Me: Um, the original file is InDesign, but I can send you a PDF…oh. I get it now. You meant PDF. You can see PDFs without InDesign, it’s a pretty universal format.
Client: I don’t have an iPad either. Just don’t send me any Pads.
Client: I’m not really thrilled with either of these logos. Can you make them look more global?
Me: They both already have globes in them, so I’m not sure what you mean. But I’ll try.
Two rounds later, we’re (miraculously) almost finished.
Client: This is really close, but can you make them more vibrant?
Me: Well, your colors are navy blue and black.
Client: I know, keep the colors, but I don’t know, just make them more vibrant! They’re not vibrant enough!
"The blue one is perfect!"
The reply I received to three different proofs, all with blue backgrounds
Me: So, what type of logo are you looking for? Something professional, fun, simple, elegant, animated, vectorized…?
Me: I’m sorry, but what do you mean by yes?
Client: I want all of those descriptions.
Me: Umm, can you give me more insight on what you are looking for?
Client: I want something professional, but fun. Simple, but elegant. And I am not sure what vectorized means, but it sounds good.
Me: Ok… let’s start with the color scheme. What are the primary colors you want in your logo?
Client: I’m not sure. Just make something good and I’ll know when I see it.
"The arrows aren’t scholarly enough."
"Remove some hyphens. Not sure which ones, but you should know."
"I’m quite arty so I’m going to be really helpful… I want a Quentin Blake/Downtown Abbey blend with a touch of William Morris"
I was doing headshots of physicians for a local hospital.
Client: Yeah, this is no good. You need to Photoshop this one. He looks too mysterious.
Client: Yes. We don’t want our doctors looking mysterious.
I still haven’t figured out what they meant by “mysterious”. I ended up removing a few crow’s feet and that seemed to suffice in removing any “mystery”.
"I’d like to see more shapes."
"We were very clear that we wanted a ‘burned’ paper look. This paper looks like it was scorched by fire."