Clients from Hell

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August 12, 2014

Me: So, what type of logo are you looking for? Something professional, fun, simple, elegant, animated, vectorized…?

Client: Yes.

Me: I’m sorry, but what do you mean by yes?

Client: I want all of those descriptions.

Me: Umm, can you give me more insight on what you are looking for?

Client: I want something professional, but fun. Simple, but elegant. And I am not sure what vectorized means, but it sounds good.

Me: Ok… let’s start with the color scheme. What are the primary colors you want in your logo?

Client: I’m not sure. Just make something good and I’ll know when I see it.

"The arrows aren’t scholarly enough."
August 07, 2014
"Remove some hyphens. Not sure which ones, but you should know."
August 06, 2014
"I’m quite arty so I’m going to be really helpful… I want a Quentin Blake/Downtown Abbey blend with a touch of William Morris"
August 02, 2014

I was doing headshots of physicians for a local hospital.

Client: Yeah, this is no good. You need to Photoshop this one. He looks too mysterious.

Me: Mysterious? 

Client: Yes. We don’t want our doctors looking mysterious. 

I still haven’t figured out what they meant by “mysterious”. I ended up removing a few crow’s feet and that seemed to suffice in removing any “mystery”.

"I’d like to see more shapes."
July 31, 2014
"We were very clear that we wanted a ‘burned’ paper look. This paper looks like it was scorched by fire."
July 27, 2014

Client: I want this done by the end of the week! It’s taking forever!

Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you wanted it done so soon. In our initial discussion about the job, you said there was “no huge rush.”

Client: To me “no huge rush” means “not today.”

July 23, 2014

Me: I’ve attached four different options for the cover page. Please let me know which one you prefer so I can purchase the relevant stock image. I’ve provided the cost of each image below for your convenience. Thanks.

One week later.

Client: Yes, I like the images. 

July 19, 2014

I have been working with a client on a logo for her firm. She seemed directionless, but after meeting for a few hours, we developed a design brief. After I’d presented sketches – using the brief she’d signed off on – she “played around with it a little bit” and sent me back a sketch that had nothing to do with the brief.

After another face to face meeting, I agreed to work with the new concept. Really, the only thing that stayed the same was a request for hand-lettered typography, which I felt I already had in the bag. I drafted a proposal and presented a final sketch. She “played around with it a little bit” and sent me a PDF with the main design element of the logo removed and a delicate type solution that was not only unreadable, but would not work as hand-lettering - the look she originally was after.

I told her that she’d come up with something really interesting and felt she could finish it herself since she had such a clear vision and was now so close.

She requested that I "play around with it a little bit and see what you come up with.”

I fired myself.