Client: “I just want you to know that we here at the company really frown on office romances.”
Me: “That won’t be an issue. I’m already in a steady relationship.”
Client: “Well, then that’s just disgusting what you did!”
Me: “What?”
Client: “I wasn’t going to mention it, but now I feel obliged. I read your emails, and I found the one you sent to Cindy. It had a very unsavory gesture in it!”
Me: “First of all, why were you going through my emails!”
Client: “You had them up on your computer, so I—”
Me: “I don’t care! You don’t do that! And second of all, I don’t know what you could have seen.”
Client: “It was a penis picture!”
Me: “A what?”
Client: “A penis picture! You said ‘Thanks for yesterday’, and then wrote in a picture of a penis…”
Me: “That was a heart emoticon! A heart! I was thanking her for helping me rewrite those documents you lost.”
Client: “Oh.”
Me: “And what kind of penis have you seen that looks like a less-than symbol and a 3!”
Client: “I’m sorry…”
Me: “…”
Client: “…but there ARE some penises that taper.”
