Client: I want the Kobe Bryant of editors, at Mo Williams prices.
This was the text of a job I saw listed on Upwork. Points for honesty, at least.
I work as a software developer for a company, and sometimes the helpdesk passes over problems that require a coded solution. The other day though I get this helpdesk ticket where a customer was saying that the print margins were off on various print tasks.
It's a problem I've seen before, and it's caused by the 3rd party software that handles the printing getting its settings messed up on the admin account.
Me: They just need to log in as admin and adjust the print settings.
The next day I get an email:
Client: That didn't work, so we uninstalled the third party program. Now we are getting a whole bunch errors.
Imagine that, you remove a required third-party program and suddenly our software isn't working correctly. I get the idea of perhaps we need to uninstall and reinstall, but why in the world would they just stop after uninstalling it and then be surprised they now have all sorts of error messages?
Client: I want you to come to my office so we can talk about this face to face. If you don't, I will work with someone else.
Me: You are 200 miles away, and we are talking about a deal worth 50 USD. If I come to your office I would lose money to do this job.
Client: Well, I am not going to pay for your travel expenses.
Me: Even if you would, it would be still a loss for us, because our time is worth more. If you need a face to face meeting, If you want to meet someone face to face I suggest you find someone more local.
Client: So that's it? You don't want my business?
A potential client presented me with his idea of a new social media platform to share tutorial videos.
Client: Do you know YouTube? Can you program something like that?
Me: Well technically yes. But that would mean a lot of work. And I mean A LOT.
Client: Great! All the others I asked told me it's impossible. So how long do you think it would take?
Me: With all functionality and not just the looks and if I'm the only one working on it, full-time: more than a year, rather years. We should talk about what you expect in functionality...
Client: (cuts me off) Can't you just download it and change the colors?
Client: You know. Like "right-click" and then "save." It downloads the code, right?
It took me a couple of seconds to find words until I very calmly explained the difference between client-side and server-side code, and that you cannot download server-side code.
And of course the legal issues.
Client: Hmm. Can't you hack it?
Me: No. I can't. And I won't.
Client: Could you do it, if I could get you the code?
There were already too many red flags to proceed, but I wanted to see how deep the rabbit-hole goes.
Me: ...Maybe. How would you get the code?
Client: I know a guy who can hack. I'll call him later and get back to you.
The next day.
Client: I cannot get you the code. I tried calling my guy and he said he will be temporarily unavailable for the next two to three years.
He then tried to brief me in his idea. I did not contact him or respond any further.
Client: My boss says he wants this completed. Can you assist?
Me: No problem! When will this need to be completed by?
Client: I'm just waiting for you to give me a killer deal.
Me: I can do this for £XXX.
Client: A little more than the budget can handle right now - give me 24 hours and if things change I will get back to you.
Me: How much is your budget for this project?
Client: No budget - just trying to get the best possible killer deal.
I'm a 21 year old digital artist & by no means a professional, but my art is pretty good. Last year, I came across a guy who was an author looking for an illustrator for his book. I told him I had no experience doing books & only drew in anime/cartoon style. He was ok with it & I worked nonstop on the art. After I finished the first book, I agreed to work on the next book but asked for more a higher payment on the next book.
Me: I would like to be paid per drawing this time & I'd like to negotiate the prices. Please let me know if these are fair for you : B/W $5, colored drawing $15, book cover $25
The prices were dirt cheap because I didn't know how to price illustrations for books.
Author: I find your request to renegotiate your options to be quite rude. They hint at a level of greediness and based on a complete lack of understanding of our business relationship. Therefore I do not accept your offer and believe the prices quoted to be outrageous.
My client needed a design for a three-piece, stacked sign with each of the three pieces offset from each other. I was given a pic of the manufactured sign with dimensions. The second and third pieces looked similar in size, but because they were offset and the picture was taken at an angle, it was difficult to tell exactly how they differed from each other.
Client: Second piece is 7'-2.5" wide x 2' tall. Third piece is 47'-19" wide by 2' tall.
Me: 47 feet and 19 inches? In the picture, it looks like the third piece is very close in size to the second piece. Can you verify the dimensions?
Client: Yes. I took the measurements myself.
Me: If the middle sign is only 7 feet wide, I don't think the sign under it is 49 feet wide, plus an additional 19 inches.
Client: The third piece is 88" wide. If you would have just added the two measurements together, you would have had the correct width.
Seriously? First of all, who the hell writes 49'-19" when they mean 49 inches and 19 inches. Second of all, who the hell writes feet and inches out like that? Why not just write 50'-7"? Lastly, 49 and 19 do not add up to 88.
When pitching your work, most creative freelancers sell their skills or their services. However, the key to landing big clients is to show that you're an indispensable part of their team by selling strategy.
Anabelle King realized this over years of working at agencies, and now she lands big clients with her boutique branding business I Like Storytelling. She shares her strats for creating a collaborative relationship with her clients in today's episode!
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My client insists everything needs to have a "WOW factor."
Trying to please, I decided my next project was going to be 3D using the latest Maya, WebGL and three.js technology. It took 3 - 4 months to make and I thought it looked great.
Today I get a text message from his assistant saying he wants to take it down and replace it with a downloadable 8.5x11 PDF.
Real WOW factor.