Client: Just wanted to tell you again we loved your work - the cupcake marketing plan is brilliant. We don’t know how to thank you.
Me: I’m so glad. No thanks necessary – I’ll settle for the project fee we agreed on.
Client: Oh no, I’m afraid we don’t really have the money for that. Is there some other way we can repay you? Free cupcakes for life?
Me: I’m diabetic.
There’s nothing sweet about getting stiffed. Tell deadbeat clients to stick it in their cakehole and add what you’re owed to the World’s Largest Invoice to help freelancers #getpaidnotplayed.
Me: I have that sample of the linen paper you wanted. Do you want to come by and pick it up or should I mail it to you?
Client: Just fax it to me.
I had to explain to the client why I couldn’t fax a textile sample.
Client: We need this done right now.
Me: So does that mean you’re sending the assets and copy changes I need to make the changes right now?
Client: No!
Me: So should I wait until you do?
Client: No, I need this pamphlet finished right now.
Me: So there aren’t copy changes and new images to include?
Client: There are…
Me: But you’re not sending those right now?
Client: No, we’re not.
Me: So you want me to send the previous version?
Client: No, we want the new version with the copy changes and new images.
Me: I think you and I aren’t understanding each other.
Client: What do you mean?
Client: I like your work so far, but the picture of my product should be bigger.
Me: But it’s already taking up most of the space and the text is being squeezed in a tiny space.
Client: Who cares about text? Nobody reads the text, the picture is the important part. Make it twice as wide and twice as high.
Me: That’s not possible. The picture would be about 30” wide and this poster is 18x24”.
Client: Your point being?
Me: I can’t make the picture twice as big, all of it it wouldn’t fit in the poster.
Client: Nonsense. Just center the image really carefully.
Me: So I resent you that invoice from a few months ago, with the additional stuff you asked for: detailed line items, the contract reference number, and a copy of my driver’s license. Will I be seeing a check soon?
Client: I think you formatted it weird, and accounting gets really pissed about that. Did you send it as a PDF? They hate that. They might have thrown it out.
Me: This seems like something I should have been told.
Client: Well they don’t actually tell us if they do that. Anyhow, I’ve got to go – it’s payday and I’m out – you know the feeling, right bro? Good luck with accounting!
How much time is wasted trying to get paid? Add what you’re owed to the World’s Longest Invoice. Support the movement to #getpaidnotplayed.
"I am not capable of grammatical errors. Any “typo” reflects my emotional state at the time I was writing, which is important to convey. I thought you were smart enough to get that."
Me: Please measure the width of your window so that I know how wide to create your vinyl lettering.
Client: I’m not sure what the exact dimensions are, but it is big.
Me: I’ll need more than that.
Client: It’s made of glass.
Working with a client who claims to be a model.
Me: What size would you like for your headshots, 5x7, or 8x10?
Client: Which one is bigger?
Client: Of course I’m not going to pay you. We ended up designing the space ourselves.
Me: But didn’t you use all of the ideas and plans I wrote for you?
Client: Yeah, sure – for reference.
Me: So then I designed the space.
Client: Well actually, we talked to the contractor over the phone. I’m not sure where you think you fit into this arrangement.
Me: What did the contractor work off of?
Client: Some reference materials we contracted.
con·tract/ˈkäntrakt/: a written or spoken agreement, esp. once concerning employment, sales, or tenancy, that is intended to be enforceable by law
Help clients understand by adding what you’re owed to the World’s Longest Invoice. Support the movement to get freelancers paid, not played! #getpaidnotplayed
Client: I can’t pay you.
Me: Why?
Client: Because my client hasn’t paid me.
Me: I can see how that could be frustrating.
What are you owed? Bill deadbeats everywhere and join the World’s Largest Invoice to help freelancers #getpaidnotplayed.
