Clients from Hell

Me: I still have not received the deposit for your event tonight.

Client: Oh, I’ll get that to you next week.

I was asked to design some branding for a gambling lounge.

Client: We want it to have a strong Asian theme. Gold and dark red gradients. Dragons. I’s going to be called the Dragon Lounge. 

Later…

Me: Here is your identity and poster, let me know what your thoughts are and if there’s anything else I can do.

Client: It’s a bit oriental, don’t you think?  

Me: Errrrr… Yes? 

The savage client hypocrisy

A customer wanted us to stay open an extra hour so he could pick up his business cards. I offered to ship them to his office overnight, but he refused.

Client: You know, it’s inconsiderate to be closed at 5pm. Some people just can’t fit that around their schedules… (his speech was inaudible due to some loud, bassy noises)

Me: I’m sorry, you’re not coming in clearly. Where are you?

Client: I’m at the theatre. The movie doesn’t even end until 5:30pm. Case in point!

Me: Indeed.

Meet one of the clients from the town in Footloose

I make a living as a musician, but I supplement my (inconsistent) freelancing by working on-call at a place that offers group piano and pre-piano lessons, primarily with children around Kindergarten age.

The mother of one of the kids in my class pulled aside my boss within earshot of me.

Client: I don’t like the new teacher. He’s just too tall to be dealing with kids.  

She leaned in closer.

Client: And his hair is too long.

Client: I watched the instructional video you prepared and I am able to add and publish a post. How do I get the new post to appear on the navigation menu?

Me: You watched the video from beginning to end?

Client: Yes.

Me: Okay, scroll to 6:30 on it.

Client: Okay.

Me: The title should read How to Make a New Post Appear

Client: Right.

Me: Now finish watching the video.

I’m no expert, but you should trust my expertise in these matters.

Client: I don’t understand why I’m being charged 10 hours for this, it seems like it should take about 1 or 2 hours, TOPS.

Me: Well, it may seem that way, but it was quite involved. The good news is it is set up now and you can manage it with the front end and you will never need to set it up again.

Client: I took a web design class once. I’m positive this would only take me 1 or 2 hours and I’m not even an expert.

Lookie here, a client who feels entitled

Client: I registered blaketheelevatorgriffin.com. I need to sell this thing and make some money.

Me: Have you heard from anyone expressing interest in making a purchase?

Client: Nah. But I did a Google search for Blake The Elevator Griffin and got over 30 million hits. I feel like I’m entitled to at least a dollar a hit.

I was doing some social media and web design work for a client I knew personally.  The password suddenly changed on the web hosting and company email. Then I couldn’t log in to the Facebook page.

Me: Hey, did you take me off the Facebook page as an admin?

Client: Yes.

Me: Why is that?

No response came and a few hours later, I was kicked off of twitter as I was doing some work. Apparently the password had changed.

Me: What’s going on?

No response. After some more time

Client: We hired someone else, **** not willing to pay what you want.

I was working for free because I wanted to build my portfolio

Me: Well, thanks for the opportunity and I’m sorry it didn’t work out. I would have preferred you talked to me instead of changing the passwords on work as I complete it. Regardless, good luck.

Client: (drunk via text) I tired to talk to you about it when u were here and said he had talked with you we had a lady already doing it he was shocked on what you wanted to charge thanks.