"Don’t ever take that tone of voice in an email with me again, young man."
— Client response to an e-mail asking them if they would like to reset their password
January 29, 2012
January 28, 2012
I was working on a website and needed some text material from the client so I asked her to send me the texts. A couple of days later I get a letter in the mail containing hand-written text.
Me: Thanks for the text material, but I’d appreciate if you could send me the texts in digital format as agreed.
Client: Oh, OK! I’ll do it right away.
Me: Great, thanks!
The day after she sent me the same texts, only now written on a typewriter, by fax.
Whilst making a single screen ‘billboard’ at the beginning of a TV program:
Client: Can you make the logos bigger? They need to be bigger.
Me: They’re right at the edge of title safe right now, so we cant go much bigger.
Client: Yes but they need to take up a quarter of the screen each.
Me: A quarter of the screen each?
Client: Yes, everybody paid for their logos to be a quarter of the size of the screen, so they have to be a quarter of the size of the screen.
Me: Firstly, that would make them outside title safe, which means it will be rejected by the station. Secondly, there are six logos.
January 27, 2012
Me: Did you want the font in cursive or something more simple?
Client: I want it in English.
Me: English is a language - cursive is a type of font we use. Did you want it to be fancy, or simple?
Client: No! In English!
Me: English it is then.
A client kept trying to send me a higher resolution photo, but I kept getting the same size e-mailed to me.
Client: I don’t get it! I click the % to enlarge the picture in Photo Viewer before I send it.
January 26, 2012
I asked a client to send me either a PDF or a picture of her website idea. She sent me a PDF, containing a picture of another PDF.
After sending two invoices for payment, I sent another and called the client when the receipt that they had received it came back.
Client: Why are you calling me?
Me: You haven’t paid and this is the third invoice I’ve sent.
Client: It’s even more than the last one!
Me: Yes. The contract you signed stated that I would add a late fee for payment.
Client: You mean I have to actually pay you? I thought you were joking!
Me: What on earth made you think that?
Client: You’re a freelancer!
Me: And…
Client: Well, you work for free! If you were supposed to be paid, you’d be called a paidlancer or something!
January 25, 2012
"Can you design our website so it prints in landscape format?"
"I’ve decided on the photos that I would like you to use on the website. They are attached to this email. Please send them back when you’re finished as they are my only copies. Thanks!"
January 24, 2012
A client has various business areas which are identified by acronyms, including LAP, EQP and FAP. They wanted some new online adverts made up. I asked what ideas they’d had for the text. This is what they came back with
FAP online (everyone is doing it)
FAP in schools
FAP for life.
