Clients from Hell

Submit your story
April 14, 2014
"It’s not really design work, it’s just purposefully placing images and text."

Client: Why would I hire another designer when I could just get you to do it for free?

Me: … I wasn’t planning to work for free.

Client: I meant that I’d get you to do this work in addition to the work I’m already paying you for.

Me: I’d have to charge if the scope of the project gets bigger.

Client: You can’t just spring something like that on me. 

April 13, 2014
"I want the mood to be…”Stabbing Your Family in the Face.” Make sense? Try not to make it too intense though."

Client: We need to delete a post from a month ago on Facebook.

Me: Okay. Was there a problem? You’ve approved all of the Facebook posts a month prior before they go live.

Client: Yes, you posted a website that isn’t ours.

Me: Yes sir, I was citing the source that we took the information from. Like I said, it was approved prior. Plus, this was from a month ago, I’m not sure if it’s relevant anymore. I can make you an admin to the page if you would like to take over and delete any posts you don’t like now.

Client: I don’t have time to deal with that. Who looks at Facebook anyway?

Uh, you. 

Editor’s note: the last article I read on the issue put the number of Facebook users past 1 billion. FYI. 

April 12, 2014
"White space is the bane of my existence. When it comes to advertising, less does not mean more."

For context, this all occurred on a Friday. We were finalizing the specs for a website.

Me: Okay, that all sounds good. We can have the new site completed in two weeks.

Client: But I have an ad campaign with thousands of dollars behind it starting next Monday! You absolutely have to have it done by then!

This was the first time my client had informed me of this. 

IT’S A FIRE(SPRING SALE)

Gifts forged in eternal hell fire (as well as T-shirts) are now on sale! Want a coffee mug? How about a stress ball to deal with all this rampant consumerism?

It’s all 10% off for the next two days.

Please use the discount code “BADCLIENT”

April 11, 2014
"I need this logo redone. It should look like the old one, but it doesn’t have to match in any way. I really don’t know what I want so, you know, just work your magic."

A client who then offered to pay me in haircuts.

April 10, 2014

Our copywriter wrote some copy in our December newsletter that wished our clients a happy holiday season, including Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanza. 

Client: What’s Kwanza?

Me: It’s a celebration in December.

Client: No, I’m pretty sure that’s slang, take it out.