Me: (on phone) Can you send me a screenshot of the error message?
Client: Well, I printed up the page.
Me: OK, I’m going to e-mail you instructions on how to make a screenshot so you can e-mail it to me.
Client: Hang on, I’ve got a bunch of papers and stuff on top of my scanner.
Time passes. He tries to send me a corrupted CorelDraw file.
Client: What’s your address? I’ll just drop this into the mail and wait to hear back from you.
Client feedback regarding an application form on a single page sales website.
Nearing the end of a large project, the client comes back to us with…
Client: There are still 25 bugs that need to be fixed! I have a sheet of them.
Me: Okay, our developers need to know what they are. I’ll need you to either send them to me or post them up on the bug tracking system.
Client: I’ll need a few days to compile them.
Me: I thought you said you had the sheet of 25 items already at hand?
The client sends over our 100+ page Use Case documents (which we’ve reviewed a hundred times before and which we already had at hand).
Client: Review these, I’m sure 25 items are there.
Editor’s Note: I assume this is in reference to a baked good, and not… something else.
Client: I need this by Thursday.
Me: Shouldn’t be a problem; I can have it done by Wednesday.
Client: No, you’re misunderstanding. Not Wednesday, Thursday.
Me: I meant that I’ll get it to you earlier than next Thursday.
Client: And I meant that I need this by Thursday.
Me: Okay, I’ll send it next Thursday, then.
Client: You’re just not getting it. I need it by THIS Thursday.
Me: But today’s Thursday…
Client: Yeah, which makes all this time you’re wasting so confusing.
A client provided a picture of herself from the side to go on a flyer.
Client: The picture shows my left side. Can you photoshop me around to show off my right side? That’s my good side.
Me: Uh, okay.
I flip the image horizontally.
Client: Yes! Thank you so much. Don’t you think I look better on that side?
Client: The website doesn’t display properly on Internet Explorer.
Me: How so? Can you send me a screenshot so I can see what you mean?
Client: No, I don’t know how. But hey, look, I can copy the site URL within Internet Explorer for you. Paste it in your browser (right-click>paste), and you’ll see what I mean.
Me: I… that won’t work.
Client: I’m sure it will. I’m doing it right now, and it recreates the problem in MY browser.
What I really need you to do is give the home page more pizzazz, and give the inside pages a little “umpf”.