"The ‘Paste from Word’ button doesn’t work. Do I need to copy from Word first?"
May 17, 2013
"I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, but we’re paying you for your expertise. We shouldn’t have to pay for ideas we don’t want. We’re hoping you’ll send us a couple ideas every month, but don’t bill us for it, because we probably won’t use it."
May 16, 2013
Client: I need a quote, just base it on xxxxx.com
Me: Sorry, I need a spec to quote the work.
Client: It’s just like the other one.”
Me: Okay, so build a spec based on that and submit it.
Client: I need a price.
Me: I need a spec.
Client: Okay, you obviously don’t feel comfortable pricing it.
Me: Not without a spec, no.
Client: Oh, is that all?
"I am best friends with NASA and they looked at your code and said that it is junk code and that you shouldn’t use frames."
—
Throughout the project, he did the same thing with Reuters, ABC, and Fox News. These were all his friends.
Also, there were no frames in the code.
May 15, 2013
One of my clients is a “fashion designer/interior decorator/restaurant owner” who, at first, wanted me to create a job description which would fit all of the above “in one word”.
After deciding that it simply couldn’t be done, we proceed to the real work. While making the website visual prototype…
Client: I have a simple but groundbreaking idea. I don’t know how nobody has thought of it until now.
Me: Awesome! What you need?
Client: I can’t tell you. Just make half of the site area a rectangular blank space. I’ll fill it later.
Me: I strongly suggest we work together on this.
Client: If I tell you, you will steal my idea.
Me: But what do you want me to do then?
Client: It’s very simple. I need you to teach me your work. When I’m done, I’ll publish it myself.
Me: That’s not going to happen.
After hours spent explaining that any original ideas provided by the client are bound to confidentiality via our contract…
Client: Ok, I’ll tell you, but I need complete silence about it until it’s done, okay?
Me: Sure.
Client: It’s very simple. I need my clients to able to see how they are going to be on the dresses I make, online.
Me: Well, I’m afraid it has be done before, but that just means it’s easier for us. I can do a sketch model appear online so that the client can imagine themselves in your dresses.
Client: No, I want them to literally see themselves.
Me: A user can upload a headshot, but it probably won’t look that great in the end.
Client: NO NO NO. I told you. It’s very simple. You just have to program part of the monitor to be a mirror.
"I aint’ paying that, I can get Pakis to do it."
May 14, 2013
I was asked to do a “very simple” and “very small” project for a roofing company - they needed a presentation folder. The project was given to me on a Wednesday evening at around 7 PM. I was told to have it done by Thursday afternoon.
I received a call at around midnight on Wednesday
Client: Where’s the project? We’re running late.
Me: It’s not even Thursday yet.
Client: I just got to China, and it’s already Thursday here. Noon, to be more exact. Which makes you late.
Flustered, I stayed up until 4a to complete it using the criteria they gave: follow the website aesthetic, use the following elements, use the logo from the website (which I had to redraw due to its small size), use the corporate colours, etc.
I then get a call from the client’s mother-in-law, explaining (on behalf of her son), that they don’t like the colour choices, the elements I used, etc. She less-than-politely told me to start over.
Me: I’m afraid we’re already well outside what we agreed on as per our contract, and I would have to charge additional time if you want any more changes.
Client: You’re greedy and a cheat. I want our deposit back.
Me: I’m sorry, but you’ve already breached our contract several times and I’ve been polite enough to ignore the penalties that come with doing so.
Client: I’m in China, there’s nothing you can do.
"Can we change the print layout of the web page? We feel that, if someone printed it in landscape, it would look better this way."
May 13, 2013
Did a logo design for a client, and after it was approved, he asked for some letterhead concepts. I emailed him a few with Greek text for the address and phone.
Client: Where are we on the letterhead?
Me: I sent you the concepts, but I need an address and phone number to get the final drafts done. Did you sign a lease for that stuff yet?
Client: Still deciding, but I want to get the letterhead printed. Oh, and envelopes too!
Me: And what address goes on the envelope?
Client: I haven’t signed the lease yet! Why do you keep harping on it?
