A hotel chef asked me to photograph some plates of food. I had a rostrum set-up for photographing the plate of food from above against a white background with no cutlery/crockery - as requested by the chef. Then I sent the prints off to the client.
Two days later, I get the head chef screaming on the phone at me.
Client: These photographs are rubbish!
Me: What’s wrong with them?
Client: You have photographed all the dishes upside down!
Me: Rotate the print by 180 degrees and they will be the right way up.
There was quite the silence before he hung up.
I own a small business that sells street I was looking for designers to design for some shirts. Note that I wasn’t asking for actual designs (free or otherwise) - just applications and links to portfolios.
I got an email from a designer that read:
Client: Here is a design I created, it has a skate theme. Please pay $$$ ASAP to ***** via PayPal.
Me: Sorry, I don’t remember asking you for any designs. We love it, but it’s not really what we are looking for. Thanks though!
Client: As I can see you have not put $$$ into my PayPal, please do this ASAP as I have spent a long time on it. If you do not, I will have to get others involved.
Me: I’m very sorry, but I never commissioned anything from you.
Client: I’ve had enough. You didn’t ask for it, but that doesn’t excuse late payment. If you do not have the resources, you can send clothing out to me. Or, I can and will get lawyers involved.
He proceeded to make posts about how our company does not pay.
"I will need to work on getting a real logo. I have a program for logo making but I can’t locate the floppy disk I have been looking for it for awhile."
Client: Everything looks great. But when you have a moment, can you darken the font color on the AboutPage?
The font colour is #000. I change it to #222.
Me: How’s that?
Client: It still looks a little light. Can you darken it more?
Me: No problem.
I switch it to #333.
Me: Is that better?
Client: That’s still too light. Try darkening just a little more.
Me: Sorry about that.
I switch it back to #000.
Me: Try it now.
Client: Perfect! I have an eye for these things, you know.
Me: I sent you the brochure via email.
Client: Yes, very good work, but change the layout of the infographic. Make it more scattered.
Me: The layout is structured so that people can follow it easily. Are you sure you want it scattered?
Client: Yes, we don’t want people to read that. We just want it to look important!
Many years ago I was commissioned to create a full sized poster. This was in the days before PDF, but it was created in a very early version of Photoshop. When the final product was approved, I sent four separate files to the printer, one for each CMYK plate.
The client asked if the printer could contact me with a few questions as his digital knowledge was still fuzzy.
Client: What is cayenne?
Being from South Louisiana, and with the printer was in North Alabama, I was assuming he was talking cuisine. So I explained it’s a red pepper.
Client: Okay, so it’s red?
Client: And what about magneto?
Magneto? Why is he asking me about a magneto?
Then it registered, pardon the pun! I had marked the plates Cyan, Magenta, Yellow and Black.
Apparently, process color was also a bit fuzzy for the guy as well. I had to find Pantone equivalents to get the poster printed.
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"I am not sure what a logo file is. If this is not what you need then do what you can."
I am producing a brochure for a branch of a construction company based in sub-Saharan Africa. Most of the project photography they send through is rubbish, but one was especially low resolution for print.
Me: Do you have this image in a higher resolution?
Two weeks later, the client sends through a 10mb image, which, after quick inspection, is obviously a photo of the original image displayed on a monitor, taken at an angle and complete with fuzzy scan lines running down the screen.
Am I the only one who has a client who is THIS dumb?
They sent me photographs in the post, and, understandably, on the envelope they’ve written “Photographs - Do not bend”.
When I opened the envelope, there were several photos within, but to save postage costs of a larger envelope, the client has folded the photos in two.