Clients from Hell

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August 27, 2014

FREE WORKSHOP FOLLOW-UP

Wow, what a response we had for our workshop!

If you haven’t been following Clients From Hell for the past few days - or if we’ve burned up our goodwill and our messages are in your spam now - we hosted a free workshop with Tom Ewer on how to get started as a freelancer.

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Missed it? No worries -  you can check out a recording of the workshop. It’s free!

Get the recording here.

We’ve had a lot of people ask after the MightyDeals promotion for the Freelance Starting Kit we mentioned during the talk. You can pick that up here (currently 40% off) .

A client and I were discussing which photos to upload to his website.

Client: I’ll get all the photos to you ASAP so you can edit them as agreed.

Me: Sounds great.

After five hours, I still hadn’t received any photos, so I rang the client.

Me: Hi - have you got those photos?

Client: Sure - I sent them today.

Me: That’s strange, I haven’t received anything.

Client: Come on, the post service doesn’t work that fast; I’d think someone like you would know that

The client had posted me a 2GB USB stick containing the photos

August 26, 2014

This video gets submitted every now and then, but it’s been years since we last showed it off. 

via (x)

Client: Why would you assume I wanted the columns to be vertical?

Me: I - I’m sorry, how did you want them?

Client: Obviously, I wanted horizontal columns.

Me: Like rows?

Client: Exactly like rows!

Our free workshop is going live in six hours!

Six hours until our free workshop on how to get started as a freelancer!

Want to start your own business? We can help get you find your feet.

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Clients From Hell readers get to enjoy a free workshop with Tom Ewer, manager Leaving Work Behind and Paid to Blog. We’ll be discussing whether or not freelancing is right for you, what your service/craft/product should be, and how you can find your first few clients (and how to avoid the bad ones!).

The free workshop will go live on August 26th at 11am Pacific, 2pm Eastern, 6pm GMT.

Click here to register for free.

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August 25, 2014

Hell’s Angles

So, we’re running through the final tests of a website that’s due to go live in a day or two. Everything’s looking great until the boss gets involved and casts his ‘experienced’ eye over things…

Client: Hmm it all looks great.

Me: Great, we’ll get it pushed live then.

Client: Oh, hold on…

At this point, he stands up and leans over the computer, positioning himself at an impossibly obtuse angle above the screen.

Client: Yeah, this design’s completely off. Look, if you look at it from this angle, the colours are all wrong and the positioning looks weird. I can’t believe you missed this. It’s really not good enough.

"Hey! Can you help me design an advertisement to put on Google’s homepage? And then can you place it there for under $100?"
August 24, 2014

I am a (female) fashion designer. I create unique dresses, mostly for cocktail parties and weddings.

Me: So here is my quote for the cocktail gown that we discussed last week.

Client: Thanks… I understand the lines for fabric and other material, but what is the last line about?

Me: That’s for my design work and the time necessary to stitch and build the gown.

Client: I don’t understand. How does that account for that sum of money?

Me: Based on our initial conversation and preliminary design, I estimated X hours of work.

Client: You charge money for drawing designs?

Me: Yes.

Client: I don’t get it. Doesn’t your husband make enough money?

Me: Can you go to www.ourwebsite.com/help?

Client: Like, on the internet?

August 23, 2014

Client: My fiancé and I are unhappy with the engagement photos you sent us.

Me: What’s wrong with them?

Client: We’re wearing sweat pants in them!

Me: But that’s what you wore to the shoot. I asked you on the day if you wanted to change into something more appropriate and you said no.

Client: Well, I didn’t know you were going to leave them in the actual photos. You’re a professional photographer - you’re supposed to Photoshop better clothing onto us or whatever.

Me: That’s not really what I do, nor is it really how Photoshop works…

Client: Don’t lie to me! I’ve seen what Photoshop can do in magazines and stuff like that. It’s not my fault you don’t know how to do your job properly!