Client: I did this document in MS Word. I need you to scan the document, convert it to a PDF, and then email it back to me.
He then handed me an 18-page document.
February 03, 2012
February 02, 2012
Me: Okay, let’s see if I can troubleshoot the problem. What internet browser are you using?
Client: Dell.
Me: No, what do you use to get on the internet?
Client: Oh! Google.
Me: Do you have the internet up right now?
Client: Yes!
Me: On your internet page in the upper left hand corner, is there an “e” with a swoosh around it?
Client: Yup! That’s Google.
Client: Can we have a logo that says we’re an official London 2012 Olympic Games sponsor on our website?
Me: Are you an official sponsor of the London Olympics?
Client: No.
Me: Then no.
February 01, 2012
"I don’t like the fact that you sent me a contract; it makes me feel bound to pay you."
Client: We need some kind of epic music. Put the Star Wars theme in there. People will know that.
Me: Uhh, you can’t do that due to copyright.
Client: Indiana Jones it is then.
January 31, 2012
"Here is the logo I drew. Ignore the yellow striped paper, it was the only scrap paper I had laying around…. the stripes aren’t supposed to be part of the logo."
— The first of three e-mails explaining that the logo didn’t have to be yellow, striped, or drawn with a ballpoint pen.
Client: I received an email from you inviting me to a shared folder on Dropbox. What should I do with it?
Me: Read it.
January 30, 2012
"What’s your email address?"
— Sent via e-mail
Me: Would you like it to be done the A way or the B way?
Client: Yes.
January 29, 2012
We were working on a project for a non-profit that works with kids.
Client: We absolutely cannot use this photo. I like the others, just not this one.
Me: Why’s that?
Client: I don’t want to feed into the stereotype that all black kids play sports. I don’t like the letterman jacket he’s wearing.
Me: Oh. He’s not wearing a letterman jacket, that’s an iStockphoto watermark. These are just mock-ups, it would be removed on the final project.
Client: I guess we can use it then. As long as you’re sure it’s not a letterman jacket.
