Client: You need to change this bar chart so that it doesn't show the departments with zero entries, but don't remove departments just because they have no entries.
I'm going to need a cat... and a box.
I'm a screen printer with lots of repeat clients. We keep all art/films on file so we can easily reprint the same shirt over and over without re-confirming size or what-have-you.
A client emailed asking for a reprint of a shirt we've done 4 times before. They sent their shirt sizes and I responded with an invoice that included the print size, color and location.
Client: Great! I’d like to go ahead and place the order. Can we just confirm where the designs will be placed on the shirts?
Me: Oh, sorry. I thought this was a reprint of your standard front print.
Client: What does that mean?
Me: Sorry, maybe I misunderstood your question? The print will be just as you asked for - 9" wide on the front?
Client: Can you show me where the image will be placed on the shirt?
I sent the client a photo pulled from their corporate Instagram of the last run of shirts with the same design, same placement.
Client: Great. Just to confirm, THIS is how they will look?
Attached was the exact same photo I sent him.
Client: Great, let's go ahead with the order!
I'm still confused. Why was he so worried? Why did he send back the same file to double-check?
Was he trying to trick me?
I was started working for a recruiting company redesigning their website. The client sent me a logo that was really old-fashioned and ugly.
Client: Don't worry. I know that logo is out of date. We're just going to use it as a placeholder until the new one is done. It's going to be much more modern and streamlined.
Phew. I went to work, doing my best to create a beautiful modern website for them. Then they sent me the new logo.
It was just as ugly and old-fashioned - maybe more so.
Me: Uh... Can I ask who designed this logo?
Client: (proudly) I got it from one of those websites that design logos. It was free!
I freelance as an editor and cartographer in my spare time. I had just sent multiple highly detailed historical maps to a client as .eps files.
Client: So there's something wrong with these maps - we can't see some of the text. Maybe you used a font we don't have installed. Also all the text is showing up as paths and not editable text. Could you fix this ASAP?
Me, internally: You sent me a screenshot showing yourself editing them. Also... the maps are in TIMES NEW ROMAN as you requested.
Me: Ok, I'll get right on that.
Client: And maybe send it to us as a PNG?
Me: (puts head on desk at an accelerated rate)
In this case, I am the client and have just been brought on board to oversee a project rollout. We have 500 products made, nearly 1,000 postcards and a brand new branding to be deployed before Christmas. We are commencing the marketing campaign on January 2nd. Today's date is November 27th.
Me: Before we go public with this, can I please confirm that we have the copyrights for these images and the font?
Designer: Yeah - I got the photos from Google Images and the front from 1001fonts.com.
I don't know whether to scream, cry, break stuff or do the dishes...
I had a second meeting with a client who had brought us on board to assist with an event.
Me: Based on this scope, we can do this for $2,500.
Client: Hmmm. That won't work. You see, my notes from our last meeting say that you would do this for free, or for next-to-free.
Me: That doesn't sound like something I would say. Also, we didn't discuss price at the last meeting because you didn't have the full scope of what you wanted.
Client: I'm known for the accuracy of my notes. Trust me, they say you will do this for free.
Me: I don't believe that's an accurate representation of what happened.
Client: Are you saying my notes are liars?
Me: I'm saying they don't reflect what we discussed.
Client: My notes don't lie. They say you will do this for free.
Spoiler alert: We didn't do a thing for this client, and ended the discussion right there. I wonder if their notes are still lying to them, though?
For the past two years, I've provided design packages for an annual event run by a non-profit collegiate organization. I'm a member of the organization and really believe in what they do so I even did it for free.
This year they decided to go "in a different direction" and made all the materials themselves. They were AWFUL. Worse still, several members of this organization approached me to ask if I had designed this year’s materials. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that the clip art they slapped on a PowerPoint is associated with my name as a designer.
Well, it’s easy to say that I’ll not be designing for this organization again in the future. They can have their clip art if they want it.
Back when I was first starting out in design, I was hired to design a logo for the home improvement company my brother was working for. I was super excited for my first gig and agreed to what I thought was a very reasonable fee of $50.
I drew several rough drafts on paper - no clip art or simple font effects here! I'm getting paid $50, I have to do my best, right? The client chose one he liked so I scanned it and created a vector version.
Client: I love it! But Can you make just a few little changes?
I was too experienced to know what came next.
What followed was the kind of back-and-forth that every freelance designer is familiar with. "I want a shadow effect under the logo." "Oh, actually, I want to stitch it into hats, so a shadow won't work, take it out." "Why did you take out the shadow effect?"
This went on for about half a month. It ended one day when I got an email informing me that the client found some other guy on the internet who would make him a logo for only $2 and was going with them instead.
He attached some examples to the email; it was all free web clip art copied and pasted together.
Client: Our printer is broken, send a technician.
Me: Which printer? You have quite a few. And what's the nature of the problem?
That's the printer model. They have several.
Me: Ok, and what is happening with the printer?
Client: Am I crazy or do you work service? Send the goddamn tech!