November 2012
1 tag
“How does this color look on your monitor? Is the ‘chocolate’ looking...”
– An out-of-the-blue ‘consultation’ email from a client who owes me over five figures.
1 tag
Recently I was hired to develop a new online store for a major fashion company.
Client: We want something modern, clean, and elegant. You have complete creative control.
After I designed and coded it, I sent it for approval prior to it going live. The day after the website went live my client contacts me.
Client: I like it… but what about all this white space (gesturing to the the clean...
1 tag
Client: Your staff member continually requests to change our meeting time!
Me: Really? How often does this occur? Can you give me an example?
Client: Well… well - okay, last week he asked ON THE DAY to change the meeting time!
Me: Yes, his wife went into labour early and he had to rush her to the hospital.
Client: Well, he could have given us some notice.
1 tag
Client: The finished product seems to be exactly the same as the concept!
Me: I don’t understand the problem.
Client: I had many more ideas that needed to be addressed. I assumed that after my approval of the concept, the real work would begin on a sort of mock up that we would refine into the final product.
1 tag
“I don’t know what I want, but I’ll know it when I see it.”
1 tag
“I paid the first 50%. How much is the second 50% going to be?”
– Client response to paying my 50% deposit fee.
1 tag
I was on holiday at the beginning of the month and a colleague was supposed to deliver a design project in my stead. However, the client said he was happy to wait two weeks until I came back so that he could keep working with me.
Client: When will the magazine be delivered?
Me: Not be until tomorrow.
Client: It was supposed to be delivered at the beginning of the month. It’s two weeks late.
Me:...
1 tag
“We’d like the banner to be less wide in terms of height, but keep the same...”
1 tag
“When I print this, the second page comes out upside down! Could you make that...”
1 tag
Client: My home laptop is running really slowly and I think it may have a virus. Will it affect my desktop computer at home too?
Me: Yes, you should take the laptop offline and shut it down before it infects your other computer.
Seven days later…
Client: Hi, so, I’ve had the laptop off and it’s been resting for a week now. Do you think the virus is gone?
1 tag
I volunteer for an organization 15+ hours/week. Part of my job requires updating the 40+ members via email and the site. After realizing members aren’t reading anything posted/sent to them, I ask where we are going wrong.
Client: Information on the website doesn’t work for us. We just don’t have time to read it. We’re too busy.
Me: What about email?
Client: We...
1 tag
I work as a film editor. My client owns an event planning company that mainly deals with parties and concerts. This happened:
Client: This is good, I just can’t believe you let this guy’s a** occupy so much of the frame at 02:22!
Me: Excuse me?
Client: That guys a**! It’s all people will look at!
Me: Would you like me to replace the shot?
Client: No… I like it. But can...
1 tag
Client: (yelling) what took you so long? It’s 12:51!
Me: I thought you said to arrive at 12:55p.
Client: (yelling) Young man… Don’t you ever dare talking back to a client! If we say 12:55, EVERYONE knows you need to be there at 12:45.
Me: I apologize for my lack of understanding, I’m just trying to meet your expectations. So, for future reference, you want me there ten...
1 tag
1 tag
Client: So, what color is the fastest?
Me: Excuse me?
Client: We want our site to be really fast, so what color takes the shortest time to download?
1 tag
Client: The video doesn’t work and my presentation is in 5 minutes!
Me: Okay, no problem we will get to the bottom of the problem. What exactly is happening?
Client: I double click the video file and all I get is a black screen - no picture and no sound.
Me: Did you press play?
Client: Oh, there it goes. Thanks!
1 tag
“The client is from Alabama. They all talk slow - we need to allocate time in the...”
– Client notes for an upcoming meeting
1 tag
After finishing a document for a newspaper ad of an alkaline water brand we’re working on, I asked the client which newspaper should I send the files to. This was his response:
Client: What? The f*** if I know. Just send it already, we’re running late.
Me: I need to know where I’m have to send this. I don’t know which newspaper you hired to advertise your product.
...
1 tag
Client: I’ve noticed that the appearances link is misspelled throughout the site - can you fix that?
Me: All done. Anything else I can take care of while I’m here?
Client: Can you change the link name from Appearances to Events?
1 tag
“Give it more of a design edge.”
