March 2013
1 tag
“Can you please rename this file as [filename]? Thanks! Then send it back to me...”
February 2013
2 tags
I did some work for a client involving website design and photographs of his company’s products. I finished the projects about two months before I was planning to leave the country and asked the client to send over the payment. After numerous reassurances that the check would be sent out by his accountant, he finally stopped responding to my emails, texts, and calls after more than a month...
1 tag
Client: This red is terrible! Why did you pick this red!?
Me: It’s the red from your logo. I can change it to the blue if you would prefer.
Client: No, no, no… I’m sending you a word doc right now. It’s perfect. Use that!
I open the file to find text with a rainbow gradient and neon pink drop shadow.
1 tag
“We have 40 press kits to do. I need 40 photos of our product, so if you can just...”
1 tag
I do knit development, and help designers create their line. One jewelry designer wanted to add knits to her product offerings, so I spent a ton of time helping her source yarns and define specifically what she wanted to make. She decided to buy yarns on her own without me, and sent me a huge box of them to make samples, while she kept the yarns she liked herself. I made samples with what she sent...
1 tag
Big fan of small talk
I worked for a call-waiting company. We had established that the optimal amount of text for a three-minute message was four small paragraphs. We always give our clients an example of a message with their contract.
One day, a client sends me the text he wants: one paragraph, single-lined, and a little over one page.
Me: I’m sorry sir, but this is too much text.
Client: Why?
Me: Just look at the...
1 tag
I called a client to ask him if there were any adjustments to the sitemap I detailed in my proposal before we moved on to a final contract. He said that he was driving, and hadn’t looked at it yet, but that I could just read it to him and go from there. I politely declined and asked him to please read my proposal (this is a large project) and we could talk for a few minutes on Monday. He...
1 tag
I’m not a professional graphic designer. I work in a print shop and sometimes do work for friends and acquaintances. Somehow, my bosses found out about this.
Client: We’re thinking of getting new business cards made up. You can do that kind of thing can’t you?
Me: Yeah sure. I charge for it though.
Client: Ha! Nice one.
Me: No, seriously, I charge for it. Even my friends have to...
1 tag
Punctuation is important
Me: Your username is your first name. Your password is your last name followed by the number 13, then an exclamation mark.
Client: It doesn’t work.
Me: Strange, it should be xxxxx13!
Client: Nope, doesn’t work.
I login successfully, so we arrange a GoToMeeting so I can see what that problem is.
Me: Looks like you didn’t add the exclamation mark when typing the password.
Client:...
1 tag
“Please replace the latex balloons with mylar balloons. Latex balloons are not...”
– Client revisions for a videogame. These are digital balloons they’re referring to.
1 tag
I’m a designer who made the mistake of giving a client some computer advice once. This story takes place over two years since I had worked with that client.
Client: Hey, how are you doing? You know, I seem to have a problem with my PC. I’ve tried everything, but it just isn’t working. No need for you to come here, I can bring it to you.
Me: You know, I’m busy at work, and...
1 tag
What a spicy set of colours
Client: I don’t like the color… I have the correct color in my Photoshop.
Me: Well, can you provide me a color code you like…
Client: Black is 10%, Yellow is 26%, Magenta is 82%, and Cayenne is 100%
Me: Cayenne?
Client: Yes… as in CMYK! Don’t you know your colors?
1 tag
As a design intern for a small non-profit, I was shopped around to other departments for their design needs. On one occasion, I was asked to add some copy to an InDesign document. I was told it was going to be super easy.
Long story short, I spent the week pasting screenshots of Word documents into an InDesign file.
1 tag
What a type-writer
During a phone call with a client regarding the hosting of her organization’s new website, I try to direct her to the website of the host server I had chosen.
Me: I am going to show you how to access the website for the hosting server your new website will be running on.
Client: Okay. Do I need to be on the internet?
Me: … Yes. You will need to get on the internet to navigate to the...
1 tag
“We think it would be better to stick with darker bright colours.”
1 tag
Me: What internet browser do you use?
Client: The Godzilla one.
1 tag
Draw me like one of your Dr. Seuss characters
We run a small illustration company and were hired to work on a one-off children’s book. The project was a disaster from start to finish. After turning in the spec art for the parents that would appear in the book…
Client: This dad is too handsome. We need more of an everyman. More like Edward Norton. We like the mom though. Let’s keep her pretty.
Me: Okay. We can revise the...
1 tag
“Thanks, good start. I would like it to be more powerful, however. Slightly sweet...”
– Client feedback. Possibly a coffee order.
1 tag
I usually don’t do work-related favors for family, but last Christmas, I agreed to design a holiday card for my uncle. After five revisions and numerous options, my uncle was satisfied and sent out the cards. I found $10 in my PayPal.
Me: Hey, what’s this for?
Client: A tip for that card.
It was seemingly thoughtful, but when the whole family got together for the annual gift...
1 tag
Client: Let’s get this logo and the border in every colour combination possible.
Me: There are, like, 10-million shades possible with CMYK.
Client: Okay, let’s keep the border black, and just give me all the possible colours for the logo.
1 tag
“The peeing pup is almost 100% - but he should be looking down, and more back,...”
– Feedback for the header of a website about the war on terrorism.
Editor’s Note: My kingdom for a link to this website.
1 tag
In the 1990s, a wonderful older client and I created a full color 32-page real estate magazine, successfully producing it for 3-4 years. The magazine was then purchased by a 30-something real estate salesman.
After about a year of working together on the magazine (which included a full color pull-out map of homes for sale in the area), the salesman bought his first desktop computer. He began...
1 tag
Keeping it in the family
Client: We urgently need a website!
Me: O-okay. Do you have something in mind?
Client: Yes, we want our website just like this [example site].
Me: It’s a relief you have a good idea of what you want if there’s a rush to get this made. Do you have a rough estimate of how much you want to spend.
Client: We like to work like a family here.
Me: That’s a great way to work.
Client:...
“The government blocked javascript or something. That’s why my Yahoo mail...”
– Client response to late payment.
1 tag
Client: I need you to come to the office tomorrow.
Me: Your office is over 100 miles away and I’ve already been there five times over the past three months.
Client: Management is expecting you there; I told them you’d be there. You have to be there.
Me: Can we use Skype to conference me in?
Client: No! No Skype! They expect you to be there.
Me: Can we at least float the idea as a...
1 tag
“Please keep a note of the RGB values so I can replicate the design in MS Paint.”
1 tag
What a charity case
I was working with a client who was launching a series of illustrations in support of a good cause (though it did help their business as well.) Since it was for a good cause and because I was just starting out with my freelance career, I agreed to do it for half what I normally charge. I ended up taking a lot more work than promised (like looking for material, ideas, and translating text), but at...
1 tag
How did she not see that coming?
I once did a photo shoot for website headshots with a client. We took photos of about a dozen people. I had the photographer bring a laptop so after shooting several frames, we’d ask each person to come over and take a look, not to decide on the spot, but to make sure each person was happy and could find a shot they would like.
One person, who approved her shots, called me the day she...
1 tag
Client: I’m clicking, but nothing happens.
Me: What are you clicking on, exactly?
Client : On the mouse.
1 tag
Too believable to be reality TV
My agency served as a setting for an event marketing challenge for a popular reality show. Myself and another graphic designer were each assigned to a team, to help them out with signage and design. I spent an hour chatting with my team about what they wanted, doing sketches, etc. My colleague went into the conference room, and came out again in five minutes.
Me: What happened?
Colleague: They...
1 tag
Client: Let’s get a quote for making, say, a million of these.
Me: Um… do you really think you’ll need a million?
Client: Nope, but it would be fun to see how much it would cost, don’t you think?
I send the client the quote.
Client: Great! So, making 1000 of these would cost (the quote divided by 1000)
Me: No, I’m afraid we give bigger discounts the bigger the bulk...
1 tag
Well, that's one way of seeing things...
A client wanted a website with a horizontal slider as the main graphic. A few hours before the site was set to go live, client demanded the slider be made vertical.
Me: I can do that, but the pictures will have to be cropped since they are all shot horizontally.
Client: No, we only have vertical images.
I open the folder with the entire selection of photos client personally selected and approved...
1 tag
“I pay people after the due date all the time, but I’ve never heard this...”
– A client who hasn’t paid me for over 5 months, refuses to answer my calls, emails, and letters, and only had the opportunity to say that because I called him from a number he didn’t recognize.
1 tag
Sometimes, things don't click for a client.
I was shooting a wedding at a church when a guest yelled at me, stating that I “ruined the sanctity” of the wedding because my camera was making clicking sounds with each shot. He said that, because I’m not shooting with film, my camera did not need to make clicking noises.
The guest made sure to inform the bride, groom, and their parents of this ‘fact.’
1 tag
I sent a client a proposal for a “need it right away” web site.
Client: Got your proposal, go ahead on it. How fast can I get the site?
Me: Did you decide what domain you want to use?
Client: I thought you were going to suggest some options?
Me: I did, they were on page 2 of the proposal.
Client: Look, I’m busy, I don’t have time to read every page of your proposal.
It was...
1 tag
Stop me if you've heard this one before...
1) Show creative to client
2) Client approves and signs off
3) Creative goes into production
4) Client has amnesia, outrage, and a variety of less-than-wholesome opinions
5) Client exceeds contractually obligated revisions
6) Client refuses to pay, demands project fixed
7) Revert project to original form
8) Client has amnesia, loves it
9) Swear words, freelancer develops a drinking problem
1 tag
Client: Can you do that in simyak?
Me: What?
Client: Simyak.
Me: Simyak?
Client: You know, use simyak colors.
Me: C-M-Y-K?
Client: Right. Simyak.
1 tag
“These icons don’t look as sharp when I zoom in on them.”
1 tag
A less exciting version of Tron
A client was extremely adamant about how inviolable the grid of their bi-weekly product folder was. They even wanted “maintaining sanctity of the grid” to be part of my job description. It divided every page in a specific set of tiles that could only be combined but never diminished in any way.
Client: There needs to be another product added to this page after all. Put it between these two.
Me:...
1 tag
I run a printing shop that offers design work to compliment our services. Prior to any prints, we carefully explain our rates and any potential extra fees the client may encounter. However…
Client: I like them, how much do I owe you?
Me: Well, for the business cards you owe $XXX.XX and then for the design fee, you owe us about 15-minutes of work which is $X.XX (it was less than $20).
Client:...
1 tag
“Use your creative ability to make this ad creative.”
– A client who wasn’t particular creative with their creative brief.
1 tag
I was handling a project for my that required me to create the company’s new website. When I presented it to my client, he liked the site but wanted a different set of photos to be displayed in the site.
Me: We don’t have stock photos of that.
Client: That’s not my problem, figure it out!
The next day, I presented rates from stock photo websites where we can purchase the photos...
1 tag
That's an old-fashioned attitude
I created a brochure for an organization that offered a senior-based service. At the top of the brochure was a group photo of seniors with two Caucasian couples, an African-American couple, and an Asian couple.
Client: I think it looks good, but you can take out the picture at the top? We don’t help people like that. Can you find a picture with just some normal people in it?
I didn’t...
1 tag
“I would love if you could normalize all the URL of our websites into having...”
1 tag
Client: You see there, where the text is black on white?
Me: Yep.
Client: Could we increase the contrast there?
Me: No.
Client: Just a little?
Me: No.
1 tag
“The white you’ve used in the header is solid. We’d rather it was...”
– A client whose website has a white background.
1 tag
We are a custom-apparel manufacturer who provides garments to a local boutiques. After eight months of phone calls and repeated attempts to make contact with a client to collect payment, we finally cornered them:
Me: This invoice is severely past due and I need to collect.
Client: I understand, but things have been really slow around the shop lately.
Me: So you haven’t been able to sell the...
1 tag
Things Got a Bit Animated
Client: I need an animation of a man wearing our products, to use on our website.
Me: Okay.
I send it to them.
Client: Can you make it so it doesn’t move?
Me: …
I thought professionals would know the lingo
Client: We need you to design a banner for us using the logo you created.
Me: Sure, okay. What are the dimensions?
Client: Well… here’s a picture of the room to give you an idea of how big it should be.
Me: Okay, but I need exact numbers.
Client: (frustrated) How do you expect me to know? I’m not in the room to measure it!
Me: I’m afraid I would only be wasting time without...
1 tag
I recently accepted a design request for an invitation suite. The process took longer than expected because the client was “too busy” to respond to emails, and would take a week or more to look at revisions. About three months into the project I received a phone call.
Client: I’ve got some changes I need to discuss with you.
Me: Okay, what would you like to talk about?
Client:...
