“Excuse me, can you change that colour? It doesn’t stand out from the rest, especially when you’re colour blind. Trust me - I am.”—EDIT: Readers Chasmosaur and Karissa Wingate have pointed out that this isn’t a client from hell and an actual accessibility issue. If you run into similar issue, try here or here for helpful tools. Thanks guys!
A client terminated my design services 18 months ago because she was out of money. She was current with her bill. She said she would call me to work on her stuff again when she had money, which happened a fortnight ago. Sometime in the interim she apparently lost her marbles.
Me: I would love to upload the design for you, but it looks as though your domain expired 15 months ago.
Client: Why would it do that?
Me: That usually happens because you cancel renewal or don’t pay the fees to the registrar.
Client: Well, fix it.
Me: I can’t fix it. You’ll have to get in touch with your host yourself and sort it out.
Client: I can’t do that.
Me: Why not?
Client: Because I don’t like to talk to them.
Me: You want your website to function, yes?
Client: Well, duh.
Me: Well, then, you’ll need to get in touch with them. I’ve worked with [host] before they’re super nice people. You don’t necessarily have to talk to them on the phone just email support@[host] and someone will get right in touch with you and get everything sorted.
Client: NO! They stole my domain! I can’t believe they would do that.
Me: I’m sure they didn’t steal your domain. Perhaps there was a mix-up. Did you not get emails from them that the domain was about to expire?
Client: Well, yes.
Me: Then why didn’t you renew?
Client: It should just do that by itself shouldn’t it?
Me: Was it set to auto-renew? Did your credit card change or something?
Client: You didn’t update my credit card. This is your fault.
Client: You should have updated my credit card information when it expired.
Client: I don’t think you understand. We can’t pay you that much money since our previous web designer had already done most of the work before he left. Now all you have to do now is add a few more things here and there and you are done.
To gain publicity, I did a shoot for an independent clothing label. I told him that he could have 10 of the photos for free, and if he wanted more, he would have to pay for additional ones at a flat rate. He received every photo as a tiny jpeg with a my copyright on it.
After sending the photos, he asked for 30. I suggested a cost that was less than the quoted flat rate for the additional 20. He he refused to pay me.
Two weeks later, I discover he used the tiny preview jpegs on his website to advertise his products. My (large) copyright is still visible on each and every one.
I was designing a postcard invitation for my company’s open house party to celebrate our new offices. Since the company did architecture and engineering, I based the design on a floor plan of our building, showing where we had moved to.
This email was the result of the boss’s wife “helping” me.
1) Remove black hyphenated line and the thick, black arrow.
2) Remove the words “Come and see us!” and adjust the “We moved!” downward to fit the resulting enlarged space.
3) Remove the numbers “170’ - 3 1/4” [measurements from the original floor plan] so you can center ”[xx] Avenue” between the left margin of the postcard’s red border and the left edge of the large red arrow pointing upwards.
4) Add the words “our new entrance” in the same size and font as the street names dropped down one line space lower than the line containing “[xx] Avenue”. To the left of “our new entrance” which is to be in ALL LOWER case with no parentheses or quotation marks… just the three words…
Please put a small, thin, simple, curved arrow (NOT a thick, fat arrow) leaving one space between the arrow and the “o” of “our”. The small, thin, simple arrow’s shaft should start in the middle vertically of the line containing “our new entrance” not unlike a slightly elongated hyphen might look to the left of the word “our”… then with a rounded corner, it should proceed upward just one more line space where it will end, pointing directly to our new entrance and indicating our new entrance door opening. The location of our actual new entrance on the sketch will determine where the small, thin, left-and-upwardly-curving arrow is to be located…and, hence, after the aforementioned single, skipped space… where the words “our new entrance” will be located.
I have scanned and attached a copy of what I want.
[Name], I am not asking for an opinion. I am not asking for suggestions. I am not asking for comments or your idea for an alternate to what I have asked you to do.
Thank you for simply doing what I ask this time and emailing me a copy when it is done.
A client emails me a manuscript to be edited. Unfortunately, it was in PDF, as the client maintained that any other format would ruin the formatting. They insisted that I figure out a way to keep it in PDF and make comments.
I inserted my comments/notes and emailed the PDF back to the client. Within minutes, the phone rang.
Client: I recieved the file, but I don’t see the edits - just little boxes everywhere.
Me: Those are the comments that include the edits. You can copy and paste them into the original manuscript format.
Me: This would require me to print out all 200 pages and mark them up by hand.
Client: I don’t see the issue.
Me: Afterwards, I will have to scan each page, compile the scans into a single file, and then email the file back to you. And then you will have to enter these edits in the original manuscript in the exact same way you would have had to anyway.
“I love your work, but would you be willing to lower your pricing? Not to be rude, but if I were to pay that amount, you wouldn’t be in any financial jeopardy. You might not be motivated to work at your very best. I need to work with someone who has something to lose.”—
Me: Because the project so far has taken twice as long as what we agreed to. Your company keeps changing the scope. Any future work will have an additional cost, or, we can stop work on your project until we get confirmation that this is the final change.
Client: Don’t stop work, we have to move this forward. I don’t see why that costs us more, we’re paying for the same end product.
Me: The work on your project was revised and resubmitted every time you changed your mind. We have not been able to take on other projects because your project is still active. Can you get back to me today with confirmation that this is the final scope change?
Client: Well, not today.
Me: Why not?
Client: We can’t afford to spend any more hours on this project, so most of us have moved on to other things.
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