May 2012
A big thanks to the Freelancers Union for sponsoring over a week of extra posts. Check out the Tumblr for the World’s Largest Invoice, follow Sara Horowitz on Twitter, and remember to #getpaidnotplayed.
I accidentally sent my client two identical attachments.
From: Client
We’re going with the top ad, please lighten the photo (same as the one below) and email only the top ad to ASAP. I’m leaving to an offsite, I will follow-up this afternoon, thanks! To: Client From: Client’s Partner Definitely the top one, slogan really stands out. Only concern is photo in bottom one is lighter and...
“Why does he look so angry? Can you make him look passive aggressive instead?”
– Referring to a 3D rendering of a bull
“I’m just in charge of the project and coordinating with contractors....”
– #getpaidnotplayed.
“I don’t think our system can cope with HTML, could you send the link to us...”
Client: I can’t open your document…
Me: Do you have Adobe Reader? You need it to read PDF documents.
Client: PDF…? How do you spell that?
#getpaidnotplayed
Client: Just wanted to tell you again we loved your work - the cupcake marketing plan is brilliant. We don’t know how to thank you.
Me: I’m so glad. No thanks necessary – I’ll settle for the project fee we agreed on.
Client: Oh no, I’m afraid we don’t really have the money for that. Is there some other way we can repay you? Free cupcakes for life?
Me: I’m diabetic.
There’s nothing sweet about...
Me: I have that sample of the linen paper you wanted. Do you want to come by and pick it up or should I mail it to you?
Client: Just fax it to me.
I had to explain to the client why I couldn’t fax a textile sample.
Client: We need this done right now.
Me: So does that mean you’re sending the assets and copy changes I need to make the changes right now?
Client: No!
Me: So should I wait until you do?
Client: No, I need this pamphlet finished right now.
Me: So there aren’t copy changes and new images to include?
Client: There are…
Me: But you’re not sending those right now?
...
Client: I like your work so far, but the picture of my product should be bigger.
Me: But it’s already taking up most of the space and the text is being squeezed in a tiny space.
Client: Who cares about text? Nobody reads the text, the picture is the important part. Make it twice as wide and twice as high.
Me: That’s not possible. The picture would be about 30” wide and this...
#getpaidnotplayed
Me: So I resent you that invoice from a few months ago, with the additional stuff you asked for: detailed line items, the contract reference number, and a copy of my driver’s license. Will I be seeing a check soon?
Client: I think you formatted it weird, and accounting gets really pissed about that. Did you send it as a PDF? They hate that. They might have thrown it out.
Me: This seems like...
“I am not capable of grammatical errors. Any “typo” reflects my...”
Me: Please measure the width of your window so that I know how wide to create your vinyl lettering.
Client: I’m not sure what the exact dimensions are, but it is big.
Me: I’ll need more than that.
Client: It’s made of glass.
April 2012
Working with a client who claims to be a model.
Me: What size would you like for your headshots, 5x7, or 8x10?
Client: Which one is bigger?
#getpaidnotplayed
Client: Of course I’m not going to pay you. We ended up designing the space ourselves.
Me: But didn’t you use all of the ideas and plans I wrote for you?
Client: Yeah, sure – for reference.
Me: So then I designed the space.
Client: Well actually, we talked to the contractor over the phone. I’m not sure where you think you fit into this arrangement.
Me: What did the contractor work off of?
Client:...
#getpaidnotplayed
Client: I can’t pay you.
Me: Why?
Client: Because my client hasn’t paid me.
Me: I can see how that could be frustrating.
What are you owed? Bill deadbeats everywhere and join the World’s Largest Invoice to help freelancers #getpaidnotplayed.
Client hands in his “Print Ready” artwork on a thumb drive. It was a powerpoint document that was in no way “Print Ready.” When I told him this, he replied
Client: What do you mean? It is print ready. See, open the document.
I open the document.
Client: Now go to File. Then Print. Moron.
Email from client:
Client: Please can you print the attached Poster
Nothing attached
Second email from client.
Client: lol It would help if I attached it!
Nothing attached
After a 40 minute in depth presentation entitled “Pay Per Click Activity.”
Me: …and that’s all the pay per click activity we have run this month.
Client: Looks great. But how do we get paid?
Me: It’s pay per click.
Client: As in…
Me: We get paid per click.
Client: I’m not getting it.
#getpaidnotplayed
Client: Here’s that $3,000 we owed you.
Me: Thanks! But where’s the rest?
Client: Well, we were talking about it, and we think the quoted price in the contract is a bit more than we’re willing to pay.
Me: But…
Client: We’re paying you in cash off the books. That means no taxes! Don’t you hate it when you work hard for money and the government keeps it from you? We’re doing you a favour!
Add what...
