A client sent an (exceptionally) rude Word Doc outlining the ‘psychic’ website she wanted to start, with comments like “I know you’ll have trouble understanding this,” “don’t question me, I know it’s going to work,” and best of all, “I know you have nothing going on in your life - see this as an opportunity to finally do something useful.”
After I sent her my quote…
Client: That was a lot more than I was expecting to pay.
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BookMD from New York describes it as “laugh-out-loud funny, in a horrible kind of a way.”
Jpsthree’s says “I leave it on my desk.”
TerryH describes how it shifted his perspective on life when it “[m]akes you realize there are alot of people out there who are, well…OUT THERE…know what I mean? HA!”
HA! See why the Clients From Hell book has 4.5 stars on Amazon. For your paper-haters, there’s a Kindle version too.
To be fair, this client is more of an old acquaintance that I’ve more or less adopted. He shows up every couple of years with a new idea he needs help with. The latest is a one page website for his wood sculptures. He does all his email and web browsing at the library and calls from a pay phone.
Client: I noticed down at the bottom where my email address is that when I click it, it launches some kind of email thing.
Me: What’s the problem? Is that the wrong email?
Client: No, it’s the right email, I just don’t want that on my website. That technology has got to be expensive and I don’t want to be paying for that. So just take it off. I just want my email there so people can read it. I don’t need any of this fancy stuff that makes things pop up.
Me: That’s how every email address on every site in the world works. It doesn’t cost anything. It’s just a hyperlink that launches your email client.
Client: You mean that doesn’t cost extra to make that happen?
Me: No. But now I’m curious. What do you normally do when you see an email address on a site and want to email them?
Client: I just get out a pen and paper and write it down. Then I go to my Hotmail account and type in their email. Isn’t that what everyone does?
Me: Nope, you’re probably the only one.
Client: Okay then.
He paid me in a vial of gold nuggets, a mini-sewing machine and a fishing knife. He offered me a homemade surfboard, but I didn’t have room for it at my place.
In the middle of an hours-long business meeting with a client to discuss advertising design, she commented on my pregnancy, asked how it was going and then offered to purchase my baby in cash. She said that as soon as her business deal went through, she had planned on finding a pregnant woman who would sell her baby to her.