November 2012
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I was working as a copywriter doing a weekly editorial-style newspaper ad for a hotel that is part of a renowned worldwide chain. The hotel had just done some remodeling and wanted to feature its new off-the-lobby luncheon restaurant in an upcoming ad. We were having a meeting to discuss concepts and so on.
Client: We have an international clientele, so we decided to give the restaurant a French...
October 2012
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Me: How many people are you expecting will view this DVD?
Client: Well, they’d be probably be watching it on their laptops, so one. Maybe two.
Me: Not at one time…
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“Thanks for the email signatures, they look much better now. There’s just...”
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I went to an interview for a graphic designer position. The job called for knowledge of HTML, CSS, and Javascript. After the interview, they said they might send me a quick test for at home.
Client: Hi, thanks again for coming in today. As discussed, below is a brief for some work I’d like you to complete so we can see how you apply your skills and knowledge to produce creative to our...
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At the start of a website project:
Me: If you have your own design in mind that you can give to me, the project will cost (x). But if you want to start from scratch, you’ll need to pay (2x) for me to bring in a designer.
She stated that they have no idea about what kind of design they wanted, and paid me the extra to get a designer. Two months later and over 200 hours of work on the site,...
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Client: I don’t know if you’ve been busy with other clients or something, but it’s been weeks and I was wondering if you were ever going to get around to uploading that second video to my site?
Me: Oh yes, that video has been on your site for a while now. A few weeks at least.
Client: Oh, I guess I should’ve checked my site.
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“Can you send me your tel no as Dan needs to get hold of you now thanks.”
– Sent via text. To my mobile phone number.
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Designing a poster advertising a Mexican restaurant’s new meal deal:
Client: That looks good; but I don’t feel like it looks spicy enough.
Me: In what way do you want it to be spicier?
Client: I want more herbs and stuff on top of the chicken.
Me: Okay, I’ll need a few more days to re-shoot the product.
Client: You can just draw them on.
Me: I… think it would look...
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A client required a single image for the front page of a new website but was indecisive and asked me to chose one. They couldn’t work out how to send a few it via email, so they offered to post the file onto a DVD disc instead.
Me: I’ve just received your package. I’m a little confused - you’ve sent me 17 DVDs and they all appear to have your PC backups on them.
...
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“We would like to use the motif which we’ve sent you, but it doesn’t...”
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Client: Please find attached logo in different formats
Attached was a low-res .jpeg, and a .doc with the low-res .jpeg copy and pasted in.
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Me: Is there a particular ‘feel’ you want your website to have? For example, do you want it to look corporate, or would you prefer something that looks more organic or homemade?
Client: Yes - integration, optimization, results, return, media investment.
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A client complained that the press release I wrote “didn’t tell enough of a story.”
It was an announcement about their attendance at a tax conference.
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“I’d like the new logo to be more modern and traditional.”
– A night club owner with confusing tastes
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A client attempted to send me materials on a CD - by photocopying the CD and mailing it to me.
The client in question is 87-years-old.
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“Can you adjust the colors? The main image looks too...”
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Parks and Recreation, Season 4, Episode 8
Editor’s Note: These .gifs were submitted anonymously. If anyone knows the original creator, please let me know in the comments.
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I had a client who wanted me to illustrate multiple characters for a game. First they asked me to illustrate one character to see what style I would do it in. I sent it to them. They changed their mind and asked for a different style. I redid it and sent it to them. They seemed to like this better and asked me to continue with the next two characters. After sending those in, they changed their...
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“THE LATIN FILLER IS A KILLER!”
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We were discussing the user experience for a website to be built targeted at preteen to teenage boys.
Client: The experience needs to be more whacked out and random. What if a giant tongue came out from the ‘V’ of the logo and licked the whole screen every now and then?
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“I prefer a mirror image, reflective image with a floating image in a three...”
– A client’s notes on logo preferences
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“If we absolutely have to keep it in plain text, we would like it in Arial font,...”
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Client: Can we change that thing on the new page?
Me: Which new page - we added about 30 in the last couple of days. What thing are you talking about?
Client: The thing we were talking about the other day on the quote tool section.
Me: Are you sure it was me and not Mr. X?
Client: No it was you, we chatted after the conference call.
Me: Not me, I wasn’t on the call.
Client: It was...
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We finished a 30+ page site for a client only to receive a phone call from a very upset client.
Client: Help! The new website is not working right!
Me: What seems to be the problem? Everything seems to be working fine on our end.
Client: We’re trying to print all the pages out and they look terrible when they’re on paper!
Me: Why are you printing the website out?
Client: Well,...
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Me: I’ve updated that for you.
Client: Okay, thanks, let me know when it has been updated.
Me: ಠ_ಠ
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Client: We have a meeting next Wednesday to solidify the theme.
Me: Okay. When is the deadline for the ad?
Client: Yesterday. Can you come up with something and send it? I just sent you the specs.
Me: You want me to create an ad that was due yesterday with a theme that won’t be decided until next week?
Client: Yes
Me: No.
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Nine months after delivering a website to a client, I had the following email exchange.
Client: Hey, my computer isn’t working, could you tell me what’s wrong with it?
Me: Sorry, I don’t do computer repairs for clients, I only sell web design services. You’ll probably need to contact whoever you bought the computer from, or take it to a computer repair shop.
Client:...
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Client: I also have a proposal for future business. Would you like to hear it?
Me: You just stiffed me on over $4k.
Client: Ugh, I figured that was coming.
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After several revisions:
Client: Can you make the font yellow on a white background? I worry that it might not be readable at night. So, I thought it’s best if it’s glowing at night. Thanks so much!
I tried to tell the client that, if clarity was a concern, that’s not a very good combination. However, she stuck by her request. I changed the font color to mustard yellow and...
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I’m a wedding photographer. In my country, there’s special ceremony at midnight and it is very important to clients to have it in photos. This dialog with wedding organiser took place few minutes before that ceremony.
Client: Where do you think we should have this ceremony - outside or inside?
Me: Inside, since there are no lights outside.
Client: Ok, let’s do it your way.
...
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Client: I’ve noticed that our website loads in layers. I contacted our host to see if I could do something with them to speed it up and they say that it is something they can’t take care of. Can you?
Me: The site just takes a moment longer if it’s not in your internet history cache.
Client: No, I think the wordpress site needs to be “optimized.” Have we already done...
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A client told me that the editor he uses to make changes to the website wasn’t working, so I suggested he download the newest version of Firefox.
Client: I got your email saying the editor was working fine for you, but I still can’t seem to make changes.
Me: You downloaded Firefox, right?
Client: Yes, but it didn’t work.
Me: And after you downloaded Firefox, you tried...
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Client: So, the gays are pretty popular now, huh?
Me: Homosexuality is more widely accepted, yeah.
Client: OK… I need you to put a rainbow on each of our products. They will buy anything with rainbows on it.
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“Make everything bold so it all stands out!”
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I was working on a wedding invite that the client was adamant should include an illustrated script typeface resembling rope.
Me: You know that this might not even work, and if it doesn’t, I’ve just wasted all that time.
Client: Don’t worry, I think you’ll be fine.
Me: Keep in mind you can’t make copy edits once I get started since every letter is illustrated by...
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Client: We have decided we want to call our new website ‘_________.com’
Me: Unfortunately, the .com is already registered and in use. However, .net is available. That’s probably the best option unless you choose another name.
Client: Ah. Yeah, I don’t like the .net so much. I think I’ll just stick with the .com
Me: Sorry, I think you must have misunderstood, the...
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A client was not happy with the colours on his new website. He ordered a bunch of design changes to make it look ‘right.’ He was convinced we were going out of our way to misunderstand him. Discussions and arguments about the changes fell way to simply doing what the client wanted.
A few days after applying the changes…
Client: Looks like the contrast settings were out of...
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“You have time to take a walk? Go to restaurant? Party? Shit? If one wishes to...”
– Client response when I told him I was unavailable for a project.
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“Maybe we should meet more often. Alone.”
– Something either taken out of context, or preluding a sexual harassment suit.
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After refusing to pay, then claiming we said we would eat the cost of the project, and then accusing of us of verbally abusing staff when we very politely asked their accountant to pay the outstanding invoice…
Client: It’s too bad, we were thinking of making you a preferred vendor.
Me: What does that mean?
Client: It means we pay on time.
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“Logo design contest - Winner gets $60.00 and 10 finalist applicants paid $5.00...”
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“It is not a misspelling in the copy I sent you, it is just a type-oh.”
– Someone who doesn’t know how to spell typo.
Or what a typo is.
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“I don’t see the files I requested. Just a zip.”
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“There are too many colors in this presentation. Men can only understand things...”
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I’ve been designing signs for over 20 years, and every few months I have to repeat this scenario with a client:
Client: I need the sign to be double sided with an arrow pointing to the right.
Me: You need the arrow pointing to the right on both sides?
Client: Yes.
Me: You realize that if the arrow points to the right on both sides, coming from one direction, the arrow will point your...
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Me: Hi, sorry to contact you again, but I was hoping to get the images to add to the creative in order to send it your way for approval prior to deadline.
Client: Unfortunately, we cannot supply you the images unless we have approved your creative.
Me: Oh, I was under the impression that you would need those images in the creative in order to approve it.
Client: Yes, that is correct.
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Me: Roughly how big is the item?
Client: About the size of a box.
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A verbatim e-mail exchange:
Me: The articles supplied by the vet association are password protected. i can’t simply copy the text out of them. They have to be re-typed. I have someone who does that sort of thing. She’s fast, accurate and inexpensive. I estimate it’ll cost about $80 for her to retype all four sheets. Want me to get her to do it, or would you prefer to handle it...
