“Here is the logo I drew. Ignore the yellow striped paper, it was the only scrap paper I had laying around…. the stripes aren’t supposed to be part of the logo.”—The first of three e-mails explaining that the logo didn’t have to be yellow, striped, or drawn with a ballpoint pen.
A client has various business areas which are identified by acronyms, including LAP, EQP and FAP. They wanted some new online adverts made up. I asked what ideas they’d had for the text. This is what they came back with
Client: Why isn’t this site working?! We have a meeting in a few hours and we can’t send them a broken site! Is it the network or do we need to buy a security certificate like it says in the error? Is this something IT needs to take care of or is this your department? Is it because of our firewall or is the site just down? I tried in IE and Firefox.
Me: You added a period at the end of the URL. Remove it and it should work.
Client: Oh. You should let me know when punctuation doesn’t apply.
Client: Can you print me that page in high-res? I need to e-mail it to my customer.
Me: There’s a PDF on your website which I optimized for sharing – let me send it to you again.
Client: The pictures are not sharp enough. I’ll scan your high-res print-out and e-mail that.
Me: I’m afraid this would degrade the quality further – like making a copy of a copy. Let me make a new PDF with better resolution. Please keep in mind that I still need to compress it enough so it can fit in an e-mail.
Client: No, I need full resolution. Print it out, I’ll send the scan.
I was at the airport, ready to leave for vacation when I got a panicked phone call from a client. She stated that the video I sent her - part of a large marketing campaign - was missing the sound. After a lot of shouting and threats on her part, I agreed to go to her office try and fix it.
After being escorted into her office, I played the video and double-checked her computer’s sound options. Then I unplugged her headphones. Then I billed her for my missed flight.
I’m a freelance designer. At lunch with a client, he requested to see a wireframe on my laptop.
Client: Wow, that loaded really fast! How is your laptop that fast?
Me: Well, I had to pay extra for a faster processor. This way, I get an extra gigahertz, and my programs can launch and render that much faster.
Client: Don’t you mean gigabytes? Everything in computers is measured in bytes and gigabytes.
Me: No, actually, that number is in gigahertz. It represents the frequency of—
Client (outraged): HOW DARE YOU TALK DOWN TO ME LIKE THAT! I was on IBM’s board when they designed the IBM PC! I have more knowledge of computers in one finger than you’ll ever have in your life! GIGAHERTZ HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH COMPUTERS!
And right then, I decided I wanted nothing to do with him.