(My brother runs a leisure club that has membership fees that feed a budget. They required a t-shirt design by the end of the week, when I had three other jobs on. My brother called me up and begged me to help him - he even offered me a few pounds to sweeten the deal. )
Brother: Tell me if you can do it or not. I have another guy who will if you don’t want to.
Myself: I’m really sorry, I’m busy now, and the clients I have sort of paying my rent. Not that I don’t mind the gesture (of offering me £10 to do it).
Brother: You are family, you should do it for free. I’m doing you a favour giving you money.
Myself: Sorry, I know, but I’m too busy. If the other guy wants to design it for £10, let him.
Brother: We are paying him £150, just thought I’d give you the opportunity first.
A client called claiming that my email (the last he had received) had carried “trojans and stuff” that had ruined his email. He spent some time shouting unprofessionalism and billing me for the time it’s down. I asked him if the internet was down.
"Yeah, it hasn’t been on all morning. The router is off. Does the internet need to be on for email to work?"
Recently a potential client came to us to develop a brand and Web site layout for a new project dedicated to serving pornography that contained “wholesome eroticism” and displayed proper Christian values relative to sexuality.
The client actually asked us if we could somehow “take the Christian Fish and add a va-jay-jay” to it. We graciously passed on this one, citing creativity limitations within our design team.
A client sent me a low resolution image of a 40 character key I needed. The image was of such low quality I couldn’t read the actual characters. I asked for the client to simply copy and paste the needed text. This is the reply I got:
Client: Do the CSI thing and say ‘enhance.’ That should do it.
“We are interested in a logo redesign and wondering if you are interested and available. It shouldn’t be that big a job - maybe we can pay you in Parisienne cheese? Let me know if you are interested.”—Sent from a french designer currently living in America.
Client: I really want to make a good impression on our home page - I want a rotating banner with big images that span the entire width of the screen. Lots of them flying at the viewer, make it dynamic, whatever. And most importantly, the site needs to load FAST! I like how Google just pops up for me instantly, each time.
Me: Well… If we go with really big images, and multiple ones at that, it’s going to be a bit -
“The website you made is infected with a virus! Every time I go to check my mail after visiting the site, I get all kinds of porn! I tried going to hotmale.com on my daughter’s computer too and the problem persisted.”—