I'll just have to make a quick phone call to my lawyer
Me: “So… what you are basically telling me is that you like the completed logo, like the completed slogan, like the completed branding work and that you intend to use it all for your new business. Correct?”
Client: “Yes. Absolutely.”
Me: “And yesterday you called another designer and showed them my work and they told you that they can do the same work for 20% of what I am charging, correct?”
Client: “Yup. They said that your prices are outrageous.”
Me: “And you are now telling me that you will not be paying me our agreed upon price but will either pay me what the other designer would take to copy my work… or you will pay me nothing but use the work anyhow?”
Client: “Yup. Take it or leave it.”
Me: “And you do understand that I have submitted all of my work to the US Federal Copyright Office, right?”
My boss had several computers sitting around the office that she wanted to get rid of. Being the only person in the office who knew how to even run defrag, the task fell to me to yank the hard drives out per my boss’ instructions.
There was sensitive medical information on them and they needed to be rendered unreadable. Opting for the quick-fix, I bent ALL the SSI connector pins, pulled the power connector pins out with pliers, and snapped off a handful of chips.
Upon presenting the drives to her, she was still worried someone might read them. I took them outside and bashed them against a concrete wall. She was still not convinced. I returned a third time with a screw-driver driven completely through each drive. Her response:
“Well…that looks thorough, but I think someone might still be able to read them, let’s keep them, just in case.”
Client: “It would be great to have some videos added to the site.”
Me: “You can actually do it yourself through the content management system that’s set up. You can login and add a link that is directly from YouTube to play your videos right on your site. It’ll take you just a few minutes to do. This way you won’t have to come to us and pay us for the work because I know you said you have a tight budget.”
Client: “Our biggest donor just called, and she is very upset about the racist design you created for the ad for the upcoming Auction & Dinner Dance.”
Client: “You know, the picture of the two dancers.”
Me: “You mean the solid black illustration with the romantic couple dancing? That’s called a silhouette.”
Client: ”Our donor said the picture of the two dancers is blackface and is racist.”
Me: ”I’m very sorry your donor is upset, but I can assure you that the artwork in called a ‘silhouette’ and is not racist at all. ‘Blackface’ is something entirely different, and is not in the ad anywhere. I’d be happy to explain what ‘blackface’ is…”
Client: ”Don’t ever use blackface in your designs again.”
Designing a logo for a women's business organization.
Client: ”We like the logo a lot, but we’re hoping you can make it a little more androgynous. We represent strength, power, business… there’s nothing feminine about our organization and we want to our business peers to take us seriously.”
Me: ”How about this? [Image of woman in a power suit]”
Client: ”That’s perfect! Now put her in a skirt and make her breasts a little larger.”
My team and I just finished up a stage 1 project meeting when our client casually asked if we all lived locally. It was a tad awkward, but a few of us responded with general statements. Then the guy asked for the names an mobile numbers of our spouses/partners. Shell shocked, I asked why. His response: In case I can’t get in touch with you when I want, I like to have a backup option.
“Write copy for this great new promotion we’ll be running. Whenever someone buys a house from us, they’ll receive *free* McDonald’s vouchers! Make the ad sound classy and exclusive.”—Property Developer