“I don’t know. Aren’t colours completely subjective anyways? Everyone’s going to see something different, so you might as well just choose at random.”—A client I was doing a logo for, expressing some subjectivist existentialism.
I was working for this jack-of-all-trades kind of client. We did everything from newspaper ads to massive events media planning and logistic. One day, he stumbled upon my animation reel.
Client: “You know, I saw your animations last night. They are pretty good.”
Me: “Thank you sir.”
Client: “I would like to do some business out of your skills.”
Me: “Sounds good, as long as I get a fair share. What were you thinking about?”
Client: “ Well, cartoons nowadays are all the same. So I spent a couple of hours thinking about a very creative cartoon show.”
He pulled out some loose sheets with obscene doodles all over them.
Client: “This is Rooster Cock. The main character. I named him because he is a rooster and he has a big cock… And this is Vanilla Vagina, a female pig with blonde hair. Now I need you to make a 40 minute episode with these characters.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to pay you, but if I were to pay each person I asked to design me a logo, right now, I’d have a lot of people to pay. Simply put, I didn’t choose yours. That’s capitalism, man.”—
“I’m going to tell you what I told my second wife: if you can’t deal with my advances, then you shouldn’t have signed on with me… Only in our scenario, I mean technological advances, of course, not the sexual kind. I don’t need another lawsuit.”—
I am photographing a team of ten, and they’re already standing as close as possible. Their boss, the client, takes a look at the preview.
Client: “I don’t like that there is so much of their bodies visible, and so much background above their heads. I want the faces only.”
Me: “The camera takes pictures with a fixed side ratio. I already filled the width of the frame with the team, there is no way to remove height now. But don’t worry, later we can cut the parts you don’t want to have on the picture.”
Client: “But why can’t you zoom in so we see the faces and not the bodies and background?”
Me: “…Because then the people on the left and right won’t be on the picture anymore.”
“I’ve sent you a photo of the team to include in the brochure. Rob, the guy on the right, is wearing a horrible sweater though—can you just rub his sweater out in photoshop? And if he’s not wearing anything underneath, could you paint him a nice shirt?”—