February 2011
50 posts
A client of mine came into my office to discuss a new site for his business, with him he brought his young child. After a few minutes the boy spoke up to indicate that he had soiled himself. He was not wearing diapers. At that point I offered up the bathroom to change the child as the smell was already quite offensive. The client very non-chalantly declined and proceeded with our discussion...
January 2011
87 posts
Client: “My site is down. What did you do?”
Me: “Well, I haven’t done anything in a while. Can you get to Google.com?
Client: “No. Why did you take Google down too?”
Client: “Even though I have repeatedly checked “Remember me,” the system has attempted to force me to log-in again. We often hear about this from members and I am sure that many members experience this and do not contact us but never revisit the web site. I am not interested in an explanation for this problem so much as I am interested in ensuring a solution where members will...
Completely Absurd
Client [talking about a fancy image border]: “I really don’t like it. We have a lot of work to do on this one. This looks too much like tagliatelle. It’s really really wrong. I want it to be more like spagetti. It is very important.”
Me: “Alright, we’ll give it another try.”
[After a small round of feedback with really minor almost unnoticeable revisions]
Client [crying...
“So, who did you vote for?”
“Could you make these inner-tubers look more upscale? You know, glamify them a...”
[After I had emailed the client with some wire frames for a website..]
Client: “Looks good…please convert it to a Word document so that I can make changes to it.”
“I’m not paying you for editing the pictures. I’ve got microsoft picture manager...”
“Don’t worry, I have a college kid working on some stuff..”
[I was contracted to do the design of a brochure of which, I was told, there would be 5000 copies.]
Client: “The art on the brochure is being cut off around all sides, and a big white border is surrounding the whole piece. I am surprised you let this happen, fix immediately.”
Me: “I was told that your print vendor can handle full bleed. Can you give me their phone number so...
“I don’t mean to brag, but I am quite good at coding the internet.”
“Just do that arty-farty shit that you and [coworker] do. That’s what I pay...”
“I appreciate you working over the weekend to deliver the design mock up but I...”
The Asshole Lawyer Boyfriend
[I’m not a designer but the attorney hired by a designer. I’m informing the client over the phone that he’s being sued for not paying the amount specified.]
Me: “Good afternoon, my name is [xxx], representing [designer] and [company]. We’re calling about payment that has not yet been received for a project which you agreed to pay for.”
Client: “What?! Who’s suing me?!...
A potential client e-mailed me some documents related to his project. I told him that I would not be able to take on his project at this time.
Client: “Then you need to e-mail me back the documents. They have trade secrets in them.”
Me: “Your privacy is important to me, I’ll make sure to delete them from my hard drive.”
Client: “No. Send them back so that...
“Look, if I had extra money to throw away, I’d give it to you.”
Client: “Your portfolio and skills impress me quite a bit. I would really love to hire you for this job but before that I would like to ask you one question: are you from Iran?”
Me: “Yep, I was born there and have been living in America since I was 3. Is it important to you?”
Client: “I am not comfortable working with terrorists.”
“I can’t pay you very much but I can give you a lot of work.”
“I would do it, but I don’t know the Photoshop.”
Client: “You know when you bite into a really good apple and you get that great crunch sound and the juices flow strong and sweet, and for a split second the world is perfect? It’s the best and it makes you want more. That is the feeling I want people to get from the ads. This does not mean I want a picture of an apple.”
“That’s the wrong shade of black.”
“That’s the wrong shade of black.”
Me: “Can you send me what you’re looking at via email or scan it so that we can take a look at it? Actually, you have a Pantone book over there, go ahead and match the color.”
Client: “What! I’m not going to tell you the damn color! It’s 100% orange. It’s not that hard.”
Me: “Can you send me what you’re looking at via email or scan it so that we can take a look at it? Actually, you have a Pantone book over there, go ahead and match the color.”
Client: “What! I’m not going to tell you the damn color! It’s 100% orange. It’s not that hard.”
“Can we put my baby pic on every page at the top right? And I think it would be cool to have a thought bubble or word balloon from the baby’s mouth saying ‘Choose Laughter’. Yeah, that would be awesome!”
“Can we put my baby pic on every page at the top right? And I think it would be cool to have a thought bubble or word balloon from the baby’s mouth saying ‘Choose Laughter’. Yeah, that would be awesome!”
“We need an image of a coloured child so we don’t get complaints.”
“We need an image of a coloured child so we don’t get complaints.”
“BTW I had a problem with my laptop this week and lost all my emails for the last 6 months! Are you able to forward me all the emails we sent each other since Dec 1? Thank you for your help!”
“BTW I had a problem with my laptop this week and lost all my emails for the last 6 months! Are you able to forward me all the emails we sent each other since Dec 1? Thank you for your help!”
Just 4 U
Can you fix it so every time it says “for”, it’s replaced with the number 4 and every time it says “you”, it’s replaced with the letter ‘u’? I want this across the whole site. Thanks.
Just 4 U
Can you fix it so every time it says “for”, it’s replaced with the number 4 and every time it says “you”, it’s replaced with the letter ‘u’? I want this across the whole site. Thanks.
“You freelancers all hide behind legal smoke and mirrors. What has “minimum wage” got to do with anything?”
“You freelancers all hide behind legal smoke and mirrors. What has ‘minimum wage’ got to do with anything?”
I'm Retired
Client: “Well I really like your enthusiasm and I’m very excited to use your content management system for my websites. How much is it? Can I use it for all my websites and blogs?”
Me: “My content management system is $XXX per installation, so it will be that price for every website you choose to use with this CMS.”
Client: “Oh… well, I’m...
I'm Retired
Client: “Well I really like your enthusiasm and I’m very excited to use your content management system for my websites. How much is it? Can I use it for all my websites and blogs?”
Me: “My content management system is $XXX per installation, so it will be that price for every website you choose to use with this CMS.”
Client: “Oh… well, I’m...
“I can’t pay you very much but I can give you a lot of work.”
“Several of these logos are just too creative for me.”
Client: “You know when you bite into a really good apple and you get that great crunch sound and the juices flow strong and sweet, and for a split second the world is perfect? It’s the best and it makes you want more. That is the feeling I want people to get from the ads. This does not mean I want a picture of an apple.”
Client: “We’ll do the website. We just want you to do the design of the home and internal pages. Just give us the html and css, and we’ll do the rest.”
Client: “We’ll do the website. We just want you to do the design of the home and internal pages. Just give us the html and css, and we’ll do the rest.”
In a conference call with the president of a company, I asked him if he could describe to me what changes he would like to make to his company’s website. He said “I just want it to look more Millennium Falcon, but not with any reference to Star Wars.” Trying to give more information about what he meant, he said “You know, like the Millennium Falcon, but not THE Millennium...
In a conference call with the president of a company, I asked him if he could describe to me what changes he would like to make to his company’s website. He said “I just want it to look more Millennium Falcon, but not with any reference to Star Wars.” Trying to give more information about what he meant, he said “You know, like the Millennium Falcon, but not THE Millennium...
“No two pages should have the same color theme.”
“No two pages should have the same color theme.”
“All you need to do is draw pictures and make it work!”
– A reprimand from a recent client. I don’t think he realizes that I am a developer.
“All you need to do is draw pictures and make it work!”
– A reprimand from a recent client. I don’t think he realizes that I am a developer.
Client: ”Before we finalize this, is it $250 a page or $2.50 a page?”
Me: “$250.”
Client: ”That’s steep, bro.”
Client: ”Before we finalize this, is it $250 a page or $2.50 a page?”
Me: “$250.”
Client: ”That’s steep, bro.”
“I don’t want to be limited by what’s physically possible”
– a print designer’s worst nightmare