December 2009
We had a client ask us to put double spaces after each period in a brochure we had designed for them, because they liked the way it looked.
Calling Steven Spielberg!
Background: I was part of a team that shot and produced a promotional video to be used on a Web site.
Client: I like the video but I don’t like the bald man.
Me: I’m sorry?
Client: The bald man. By the window. He makes me uneasy. Can’t you just photoshop him out?
Me: Well, actually no, seeing as its a video presentation.
Client: But I’ve seen this done before!
Me: I don’t think we have...
Can you have it by noon?
11:02 AM, at the beginning of a one-hour meeting.
Client: We need six emails coded. Can you have them by noon?
Astrological Designer
This is the discussion at the start of a client meeting:
“Before we begin, what’s your sign?”
“I’m sorry?”
“You know—when were you born? I like to know who I work with.”
“Oh, a Taurus…”
“Great! I see that in you. We can work together.”
Lets just say that was the only meeting we had.
I don't wear that dress anymore
In response to a brochure layout we presented.
Client: I don’t like the colors you’ve used.
Us: Oh? Is there a particular reason why you don’t like them?
Client: I once had a dress with those colors in it. I don’t wear that dress anymore.
Photoshop vs. Paint
“I understand that you prefer to use photoshop, but we don’t feel like that program is universal enough. If you could do all of the design work in Microsoft Paint it would be easier for us to edit what you do and give you an idea of the changes we want.”
Client learns a word he doesn't understand
Trying to wrap up a design for a client, he asked how big the graphical header was.
“700 pixels wide” I replied.
“It’s too small. Can we make it a half pixel bigger?”
I roll my eyes epically on my end and them send him the exact same comp image back. “Here you go”
“Perfect!”.
———
Later in the project, he asked if we...
Client: “Will this need to be built on Web 2.0?”
November 2009
Client on 'Flash'
At my old company, we met with a [elderly] client to discuss what we would add to his website. We asked him if he wanted flash on the webpage which seemed to shock him a bit… we later found out that he thought flash meant a naked man would run across the screen when people visited.
Extreme prudishness
Backstory: Illustrating an educational book on hygiene for an NGO in a developing country.
Client: We don’t want that illustration of a father bathing his child. It implies incest.
Useful feedback
After spending ages designing a logo for a client, the final round of feedback was ”Yeah, I like it but feel the logo needs more, erm… honour”
CMS instrucitons
A client asks for a quote to build an Arab version of Facebook. I asked the client: “What is your available budget?”
The answer was: “We’re still working on a business plan, but our current budget is about 100$”
The Logo that Fucks
Years ago, I was working for a software company, doing their graphics. Then one day they asked me for a new company logo and arranged a meeting with all the partners and coders.
We begin to talk, i was asking them questions to get what they have in their minds.
ME- Would you like it to be a contemporary, fresh look or classic and a company that has roots
THEM- We must look young and fresh but...
Add more Reality
“That photograph looks too unrealistic, can you add more reality?”
2 spaces after a period
I shared a little tip with a client (awesome client) on why there is only one space after a period. She sent it to their in-house copywriter, who replied:
“Makes sense. I’m not going to change my habits for everyday typing, but if you want me to use just one space in the website stuff, I am happy to do it. Just let me know!”
Watch out for the gays
We were building a website for a client that has a preschool and sells curriculum. Just before we went live, they called up and asked us to remove the word “school” from all the page titles and URLs. I asked why. They responded:
“We heard if the gays find out we have a preschool, they can force us to teach the children to be gay. We think its safest if nobody can see that...
Consistency?
We were doing an ad for a large sports apparel maker. they had a deal with Cal Ripkin Jr. who was the most consistent player in the game, having played over 4000 games. The ad (paraphrased) said:
Cal Ripkin likes this brand for two reasons:
1. The quality 2. The quality
(what can we say, the guy’s consistent.)
Client said they loved the ad. But … “can number 2 be...
“Well, I’M working through the Christmas holiday, so if you get your designers to work too then we can get our website up faster.”
The Hunt for ____tober
Worked with a client on an internal motivation campaign for their sales force. The point was to push a particular segment of products during the month of October. Of the three concepts we submitted, they really liked one based on a cheesy but fun play on The Hunt for Red October. So we created an entire website concept around this theme. On about the 4th round of revisions, this was their...
“I like everything about it. It’s just PERFECT! I just want to change the colours a bit. Instead of pale blue for background, let’s make it a bright yellow. I also think links should go red. I want people to see them! Lastly all the images are too boring. Can we use clowns or some circus images? I want bright colours everywhere! … can we use Comic Sans, too? Current font...
Less than Red
“I don’t want to pay for the red words on my website, can you use less red so that I can get a discount?”
Me: “This is just a sketch of the ad with generic photos from an image bank.”
Customer: “Yes, it looks great but I don’t like this guy’s face”
Me: “We thought that person could be a simple business man. Not too old, not too young, not too pretty, not too ugly…”
Customer: “Yes, I understand and I think that’s a good idea, but I...
The Superman symbol
me: So, we’ve decided that the Superman symbol would be the best image to represent [what we do].
me: The Superman symbol. Do you mean the “S” inside a shield logo from Superman’s chest?
they: And on his cape! It’s perfect, so we’re going to use it.
me: Have you licensed it?
they: What?
me: Have you licensed it for use from Warner Brothers?
they:...
Wireframe Hell
A client wanted a website for their internal stock management system. He was really all over the show in terms of what the site should do and was constantly adding and removing functionality and pages.
So we decided to map out the whole site in black and white, interactive wireframes before we started designing the pages. That way he could see what the site could and could pick and choose the...
Yes... but No.
Me: “What do you mean you want the deposit back? We are launching in 3 days!? - You approved everything. We are 42 days and countless hours into this.”
Client: “Yes, we approved the design and Yes, we did say we wanted to move forward.”
Me: “Then what’s the problem?”
Client: “Our hosting server guy, who is a long time friend looked at your files...
Client: Can you design us a poster calender for our company?
D: Yes, sure!
Client: The price for calender is about 2.50 Euros in the super-markets. I will pay you 4.
After the Pitch
Client : Congratulations on winning the account, now we want to see your concept for our new TV commercials.
Us : But we’ve submitted our concept on the pitch?
Client : Oh no, those were just ideas to win the pitch, now lets move on to the real ideas….
“I knew I liked your work from the moment I saw your logo. So we need a logo, can...”
We want Facebook, Youtube, Flickr, Twitter and E-Commerce rolled into this one site.
“We love the clean look of the site really - but I’m a little worried because you...”
Stupid or Racist -- Pick One
A very difficult and picky client was looking for voiceover talent. She did not want to pay very much but wanted someone “who sounds like James Earl Jones.”
By some miracle, the talent company found someone who sounded almost exactly like the real James Earl Jones. I excitedly played the clip for the client. Her response? “Ewww. No. He sounds black.”
Me: So are there any questions regarding the sections we will be creating?
Client: Okay, on page 46. When it says that the content in this section will be editable. Can you explain that more?
Me: (Patiently explains the functionality of a CMS)
*** long pause ***
Client: Okay, on page 47. When it says that the content in THIS section will be editable. Can you tell me exactly what that means?
Logo Design
“We have decided not to use any of the concepts you have proposed. Instead, we farmed this out to our creative network, and have decided to use a rotating set of 50 different clip-art images as our logo.”
I want to incorporate this Billy Joe song in the presentation with these new lyrics I wrote. (Client hands out sheet with lyrics based on “We didn’t start the fire.”)
Ok, now I’ll sing it for you …
Googles
CLIENT: “Make sure you tell the Googles of the world that the site will be launching soon so it places high in their results.”
“I know you said it would take three weeks but I’ve just looked at my budget and...”
Garage Sale
Client: So I’m in a really big hurry to get this site up. Can you do that by this weekend?
Me: Sure! If you can tell me what you want on the home page, you said you didn’t want text or images.
Client: Oh, by the way, I’m having a garage sale this weekend. I would really like it if you would help me with that.
Me: ….
Client: I wanted to start really early Friday morning...
Nuclear Fears
I had an icon on a business application that was a rendition of an atom. The CEO says, “I am worried about that icon. You know, because of Iran. People will feel weird because of Iran’s nuclear program.”
Dubious Payday
Was brought into a meeting with a client that we had done some small time work for. He pulled up a major brand name e-commerce website on his desktop as an example of what he was looking for his upstart clothing business…
Client: If you can just get us a website, pretty much exactly like this, selling maybe 100-150 products at launch and submitted to all the top search engines that would be...
I'll just hire a High School student
Client: I’m looking for a complete line of custom coffee labels designed for my new line of coffee. Their will be 50 total labels that I need and based on your work and experience you should be able to give a professional estimate. How much do you charge and how long would something like this take?
After lengthy evaluation, proposal and time estimate
Client: That is just ridiculous! Why...
Me: Please email me your current company logo so I can incorporate it into your website’s header.
Client: Can I fax you the logo instead?
Client: OK, now don’t draw me ugly. Oh, and can we make my nose smaller? I hate my nose. And don’t give me chubby cheeks. And and don’t draw the acne at all. Is that cool?
Me: Sure. Who would you like me to draw instead?
Tagline that my non-profit client is currently really pushing for. I would like to nominate it for Overemphasis of the Year.
“Learning should be for everyone. Everyone.”
You have a camera so you must be a photographer
We were pitching a potential client on a new website. When we mentioned we would use our photographer for a half-day shoot, he replied “well, I got a Canon Rebel for Christmas and I’m pretty good with it.”
Client: Your tech has been to our office four times and failed to fix the buzzing noise our printer makes. This is totally unacceptable, and we aren’t going to pay until it’s fixed.
I go to their offices and said printer started making a loud buzzing noise. I opened the desk drawer, and found the client’s pager vibrating around in the bottom of the drawer.
“We’d like to have you develop a new logo for us. However, there are many things...”
Art Direction
Client: We want it classic, yet, contemporary.
Me: Won’t that clash?
Client: Yeah!
5 Week Timeline
Me: “As soon as you get us the pricing database, we need 5 weeks to build the online quoting application. If we get it this week, we can do a Sept 1 launch”
4 weeks later…
Client : “Here is the pricing database, sorry for the delay. So we are still good for the Sept 1 launch, right?”
Millionaire
Client calls me and says:
Client: “Hello, I have an idea for a website. It will be a site about corrupted lawyers and politicians. America is READY to know the truth! We will put a lot of links on it and millions will come to the site. After that we are going to SELL IT for $10,000,000! And my webmaster will get 20%!”
Me: “It will take time and a lot of work for your website...
We’re not happy with the concept you sent over, as a result we don’t feel we should have to pay for it. Can you please send over the design so far as a word document so we can change it ourselves.
