Client: I saw the press release you published. I don’t like the picture, please change it.
Me: You’re holding today’s newspaper with the article in your hands, right?
Client: What’s your point?
February 23, 2012
Client: Why have you taken my website down? I demand you put it back immediately!
Me: You didn’t pay your January invoice, and although I explained very clearly the consequences of that non-payment, you still refused, so the website is now offline.
Client: But it’s February now, so put it back online at once.
Me: Well, you are refusing to pay the February invoice too, so I’m afraid that’s not possible.
Client: Are we going to go through this charade every month?
Me: I honestly hope not.
February 22, 2012
"This is not time-sensitive, but I need it before Monday."
Client: I have a project for you, it’s due tomorrow.
Me: Shoot me an email with the specs and I’ll take a look at it tonight.
When I get home, in my email I find a homework assignment for a class he was taking.
February 21, 2012
"Oh we can’t use this design…it’s too nice."
Client: Our page isn’t updated.
Me: We haven’t been given any content to update it with.
Client: We thought we’d save time and space by not sending the attachments.
Me: You’re saving time and space by not sending the content we need to update with?
Client: The emails sent faster, didn’t they!?
February 20, 2012
"Please let me know if I need to make any changes ASAP. If you take too long it will stretch into the weekend and we will lose two days, as there are two days this weekend."
While editing a video, we put in an Elton John song as a placeholder for the music.
Client (upon realizing that the music bed was Elton): Did we really get Elton John to record a song for our video?
Me: It depends. Was your video budget recently bumped up to 5 million dollars?
Client: No.
Me: Then, no.
February 19, 2012
Client: Can you fax this for me?
Me: Sure.
Client: What are you doing? Those are confidential papers!
Me: Ma’am, you asked me to fax this.
Client: Just fax it through in the envelope. I don’t want you seeing my confidential papers.
"Please block all Chinese IPs. And make the text extra small, just in case any get through the firewall."
