I’m working on a brochure for a social program that helps at-risk children of all ages.

Client: “Attached are a few photos for the brochure. We’d like to reflect diversity in age, race, and gender as much as possible, so I’ve sent you more photos than you need so you can choose accordingly. It would be great for each row of pictures to have a mix of ages and races to whatever degree possible.”

Attached to the email were eight images. Every picture was of the same African-American eighteen-year-old boy in a graduation cap and gown.

Client: “Where’s my website?”

Me: “I’m still waiting for your specs. All you sent me was a PowerPoint presentation with no notes or direction.”

Client: “That presentation is what I want the website to be!”

Me: “Well, I guess I can build from that and have something for you to review in a couple of days.”

Client: “A couple of days?! It should be up and running already! I sent you a PowerPoint!”

Me: “Well, there isn’t a magic program that you can feed a PowerPoint into which then spits out a website.”

Client: “Then what’s the point of having a f****** computer?!”

I work for a video production company. We send an MP4 to a client so they can upload the video to their YouTube account. We get this email a few days later.

Client: “I’m trying to upload it to my YouTube account. I have tried doing so on four different days, and it always says it’s uploading, but it stays at 0%. Can you try sending it in .jpeg or .mp3?”

I was doing a presentation for a top executive in a big company. To start the meeting, I went to the whiteboard and started sketching a diagram.

Me: “Suppose we do a match between the customer database and the transactions database, and—”

The big shot laughed.  

Client: “You are so naïve.”

Me: “What did I do? I barely started.”

Client: “You see that database? It’s mine. The other one belongs to the SOB in the next room, and we haven’t spoken for months. So, forget about your idea. If you want to succeed here, bring me something that only depends on me, and in case it fails, no one will ever know. If it’s a success, I’ll look good and we can do business.”

Client: “I need a logo for my online gardening business.”

Me: “I’ll need you to write up a brief of what style, colours, etc., you would like it to reflect.”

Client: “I’ll write one and get back to you.”

Two days pass.

Me: “How is that brief coming along?”

Client: “Well, the brief has turned into more of a marketing plan. I thought I’d leave the creative part up to you. I love the examples you sent me. Can you just make us look like those clients? Then, I will be happy.”

Me: “Fair enough.”

I do a few logo concepts in the style the client loves and show them to him.

Client: “Hmm… It’s not really what I was after.”

Me: “No problem. Do you like any of them, or would you like to start from scratch?”

Client: “Start from scratch, I think.”

Me: “This time, I think we ought to adhere to a creative brief, so I can get closer to what you imagine.”

Client: “Okay. I don’t really know what to write, but I will get back to you soon.”

He calls me a few days later.

Client: “I didn’t realise there was more than one page in the PDF you sent me. The other logos are actually really good. Let’s use the second one.”

The second logo was on the first page. I don’t even know.